09. POETREVIEWS: series

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"Moetry" (by @blindmuggy) review.

1.
First reaction:
My first reaction was - what a philosophical chaos in lines! Author tried to create beautiful web of rhymes with butterflies of sense and ideas...but big spider came.

Review for poetic elements.

Sense:
"Their left from right and right from wrong" - brilliant line! All others line are too lined, too simple.
In some places this rhyme looks like funny poem for kids in other places it is very serious and even looks like letter or inner thinking about poem' topic.
Anyway, sense is not unique, I found no new ideas or
moves, that's why it is very good and useful for young readers but not too good for experienced ones. All sense of this poem can be packed in one hokku or at least in the more short poem.

Rhythm:
Order of the words inside sentences is unique, it is on the edge of grammatical possibility.

Rhymes:
Perfect. A lot of open and hidden rhymes. Usual and un-usual. It is the best side of poem.

Negative:
Too much "right" and "wrong" words. Tautology. First ten lines are too light in the meaning of sense, I know, it is just the beginning, but you use the poetic space too prodigally.

Original text:

What is this, this right and wrong
Who says nay and where does right belong
Is Aristotle in his thoughts so right
To say that right is on the side of might
Where do i lay my head at night
While I think who is wrong and who is right
If told to me prestigiously by those of whom I trust
That right is right and wrong is wrong
And believe in this I must
But in turn told were they, in tales and song
Their left from right and right from wrong
Who defines these mysteries all along
Incave our brains with ideological waves
And defines our right from wrong
Is not my right by definitions plight because it belongs to me
Is not my wrong by days by gone what I am not used to see
How can I be right while others wrong when it's the same thing we see
Perception deception of an illusional tyranny
If others deem right what I have wronged then my eyes have lied to me
A lawyer fights his case for just might
They are wrong and I am right
So this concept of right and wrong
Leans to whoever has the cleverer song
If to the table a poet is brung
Would they be right and others wrong
In the end it seems clear to me
From the earliest days of hummarabi
That right and wrong is an angle to see
If we look from the same we agree to right
If not we will change it with our might
If all fails and our angles never come along
Then I will be right and you will be wrong

Second review.

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"Thinking to Mutch" (by @nurgaladion) review.

1. The name of the poem - very deep game of words...it is like "thinking too much of you"

First reaction: Deep feelings, very personal...private poem...I don't think it is fit for public.it is looks like a prayer to the Mutch's soul not like simple artificial poem...cause you can feel pain within these lines, between these lines. It is hard to read because of this, but anyway this poem is very honest and beautiful...not for cynic brain, but for heart.

Review for poetic elements.

Sense: this type of poems are not intellectual riddles, so it has sense of honest real emotions and it can help you feel and see the situation just like author. It is good.
Rhythm: smooth and energetic, but lines may be too long.
Rhymes: good rhymes, especially "child-smile". Try to find new look of the rhymes, experiment and feel free to play with it. English is not my native language and I am just intermediate in it but, as every poet, I can feel this language and its possibilities. Do the same thing, you have talent in poetry, it is obvious.

P.S. There are some mistakes in words, please, fix it.

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I am glad to introduce you the one great poet and writer - @Smellyfingers. In this post you can find a review for poem "Lost in the trees". Let's start, my friends!

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1.
First reaction:
Shock!...I am victim of old wood shaman...like a marionette on the beautiful lines, I am dancing, dancing and don't want to stop...shivering...breathing so fast...like a deer in the dark wood...like a hunter with poisoned spear....you have to try it...

Review for poetic elements.

Sense:
After all terrible and scary things you can find one verdict -"Something inside us all has died"...Yes it is our western opinion, we think that sacrifice is very bad thing anyway, we don't understand wild tribes, we afraid of them etc...but you can see amazing and deep beauty inside all this rituals, inside wild culture...this poem is door to the forgotten world and, yes, you can enter if you dare... The most awesome thing in this work is heart-beating rhythm with absolutely conjunction with sense...each word is important...it is not just a game.

Rhythm:
Fan...tas...tic... Songs and spells of South American tribes...if you want to feel all energy of this poem you have to turn on some ethnic music or dark ambient ("tzolkin") then turn off the main light and read it by cycle, read it again and again, like trance, like spell...finally you will able to see pictures of this story or feel savage spirit of woods or endless grief of the night. I like it very much.

Rhymes:
First three line did the great atmospheric beginning of poem, with one hidden rhyme. All another rhymes are slaves of magical rhythm, they are unnecessary, just like lines of war paint on the trembling naked bodies of wild but wise natives...

Negative:
Punctuation, some grammatical instability.
This poem has very very very good atmosphere, rhythm, nice rhymes, great and logical ending...
But if you analyze each line you can understand that
all of it is like a movie...visual and sonic plane...it is not for deep thinking, not for deep analyze, there is no double bottom. In that logic this poem is not unique and original, there are no very deep sense. But the fun thing is...this poem is no need it...
The Poem has one main message and whole kaleidoscope of atmospheric subsidiary lines...it is like big ancient bloody idol and hunters which dancing in front of it. Enjoy!

Original text:

"Lost in the trees"

Listen up, tell you about the forgotten nights.
A great treasure was to behold
Brought down through ancient stories told.

Natives in the rain swept forest
Call out into the foggy ruins of night
Hunters gather around their prize
Forgotten Gods now on their side
Blow pipes, war paint, poison darts
Beating, sacrificing, torn out hearts
Hear them pounding on their drums
Women, loose, lined up, hoping to come
Waiting, praying, believes in the sun
Owned us, loaned us, take your debt.
Gentle, whistling, whispering breeze
Rustling, swirling, lost in the trees
Winding, finding, following me
Slowing, growing, misery
Guiding, rising, reach the alter
Sacrifice, unsatisfied, use your daughter
Bloating, gloating, full of pride
Something inside us all has died.

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