pashizzle
So the other day I was about to get off with some girl I had pulled, and I asked her if she had any condoms. "There's some in the drawer over there," she said. I opened the drawer and I found a picture of a guy there. "Who's this," I asked…
Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you
Teacher: Ok class I want to know your names and your favourite hobbies. Child 1: I'm Herp and I like watching bubbles in the bathtub! Child 2: I'm Derp and I like watching bubbles in the bathtub! Child 3: I'm Perp and I like watching bubbl…
A woman has three daughters, and the first one come up to her and says "Mummy, why am I called Lily?" She replies "Because when you were born, a Lily landed on your head." The second one says to her, "Mummy, why am I called Rose?" She repl…
I do not have an OCD over tidiness. I just wanted to clear that up. I've just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated. I was arrested at a recent football match for shouting at the opposition fans: "Oxidisa…
It's a little known fact, but I have the body of a god. Shame that god is Buddha.
I was going to procrastinate but I can probably just do it tomorrow...
When life gives you lemons, take them. Free shit is cool.
Got bored and started writing, would be good if I had a story to fit around it. Jack walked over the rain-splattered cobbles of the road. He had had a hard day at work and the sunlight had already been usurped by the dim streetlamps flic…
Some people are like clouds. Once they fuck off, it's a beautiful day.
In our house we have this book of Buddhist proverbs, with a new one for each day. Today's proverb was "Don't judge a horse by its saddle," and I found myself wondering what the fuck that meant. At first I thought it might mean "Don't judge …
Rank 69 FTW
If women ran the world there would be no wars, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
"Men are all the same" You would only know if you'd tried them all.
I hate it when people repost things on Facebook that say "OMGZ IF U DON'T LIKE AN SHARE THIS U R EVIL" when they're the ones exploiting war and horrible diseases in order to get likes.
Bad poetry. Oh noetry.
My love life is like a trampoline. I don't have a trampoline.