The Pond Creature

I stepped into my garden;
I was going to mow the lawn
But there was something very odd
To which my eyes were drawn.
In the corner, in the pond
I saw the water stir
And I would have run away and hid
If I knew what would occur.

I stared into the water
All murky, cold and green
And I tried to spot the thing I saw
Though it just could not be seen.
When suddenly a head sprang forth
In a terrifying leap,
Teeth grabbed me by my skinny waist
And dragged me to the deep.
I could not breathe;
I thought I’d drown;
It’s mouth shut tight
And swallowed me down.

I was gulped inside an enormous belly
All soft and squidgy, very smelly.
I was there five minutes in this place so rotten
I was then shot out of the pond creatures bottom.
The creature complained in a voice so low
I nearly let my bladder go:
“I don’t think my big monster inners
Are suited to eating humans for dinners.”

I brushed myself down and gasped for fresh air
I found myself in the pond creatures lair.
It was suitably furnished with leaves and old logs
The floor was covered with the bones of dead frogs.
My head was filled with thoughts of escape
Ways to get out of this terrible scrape.
But the pond creature was stood just a little behind
And I had no clue of the plans on its mind.
Was it going to let me go?
Could it run fast or was it quite slow?
Oh, how would I get out of this terrible mess?
The place of exit was anyone’s guess.
It said, “A diet of frogs isn’t really for me;
I fancied something different for afternoon tea.
But I should have known you are far too big
I shouldn't have been such a greedy, fat pig
You need to formed into much smaller bites
If I chomp you to pieces you’ll be about right.”
Well there I was – about to die.
I curled myself up I and started to cry.
“Don’t be sad” the pond creature said.
“There’s plenty worse things than being stone dead.
And think of all the good you've done
Now I have dinner, and before I had none”.

I pleaded with it – please creature, please spare my life.
Think of my two children – think of my wife.
They’ll be far more delicious and succulent than me.
They’ll be home shortly – have them for your tea!

And to my surprise the creature agreed.
It said “why settle for one when I can have three”.

When they arrived it bit off their heads;
It tore their fragile bodies to shreds.
It ate them up, a small piece at a time
And I cowardly hid and observed this foul crime.

Then the creature decided it was time for sleep
Very soon it was dreaming deep.
And I decided that rather than sit down and cry
I’d make this creature DIE, DIE, DIE!

I fetched the chainsaw from the back of my shed
And in a shower of blood - the creature was dead!

The police came along and they wrote a report.
The case was discussed in the local law court.
And as a way to ease my emotional pains
They let me keep the creatures remains.
So although this tale has been incredibly gory
There’s a happy end for me in this story.
People think I’m a hero and I’m alive and I’m healthy
And the creature’s remains made me amazingly wealthy.
My creature was on the TV news;
Thousands came from miles around.
They viewed the creature in my garden;
Admission: a hundred Pounds!