Tourist In My Home Town

Tourist in my home town
Sometimes it gets me down

What is it with these bloody tourists?
Coach pulls up at the traffic lights.
"look, a gangster was stabbed here last night."
Then I see this Chinese dude snapping away at everything,
literally everything and anything, what IS he seeing?
Weird faces with "lord on high" smiles
Some lost and ain't got no clue
Where you going you tourist fool -
Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, london Eye?

Tourist in my home town
Sometimes it gets me down

Off to Trafalgar Square I goes - 4 lions guarding Nelson - good Lord
They all want to jump in these shitty fountains - too bored?
Fuck me, dick van dyke's "Bert" is drawing on the floor
Right outside the national gallery's front doors
Ain't no Poppins in his shadow,
just another tramp looking for food and a dry place to go.

Tourist in my home town
Sometimes it gets me down

Tourist in my own bloody town
You lot jump around like some big shits going down.
Tour guides and open top bus reps.
Big ass yellow duck boat thing,
Throw them overboard and see them sink or swim,
Don't forget to take the money yeah.
2 for 1 or 1 for free don't hand me your leaflets please,
Do I look like a tourist my friend?
Go beg on another street for your rent.

Tourist in my home town
Sometimes it gets me down

Every shop I go in is overpriced.
"No, your crappy Japanese made London gifts are not fucking nice."
I slip off to the museum that's free.
"Fucking hell I swear these twats are following me"
Where's all their money going to help our economy?
Not to the poor man or his starving family.
Can't wait for your London Olympics Seb,
I can't even get a ringside ticket you pleb.

Tourist in my home town
Sometimes it gets me down

Fuck me, I need a good holiday.
Costa del sol is waiting to bleed me.
Gonna sit in an olde Irish pub
Watch an English footie match
Stuff my face with some foreign grub
Maybe chat up some local hot catch
Can't speak the bloody lingo hembra
Best find me an English bird who'll go far.

Tourist in my home town
Sometimes it gets me down