Is It Me

Or do these dark rainy days bring on terrible bouts of nostalgia?

My day started off rather horribly. I have a headache, my muscles are in agony and I feel more moody than usual, I stumbled to my shelves which hold my beloved goods and felt for a pack of smokes before quickly realising that I decided to quit and threw the pack out. I've quit smoking before, but something about this time seems more difficult. I'd sell my soul for a smoke right now. But "worry not" I thought. I remember hiding an emergency pack in the medicine cupboard.

I skipped breakfast as usual and chugged back four painkillers with a swig of warm coffee. My phone rang making me jump in my empty and quiet house. It was Adam an old friend of mine. I went to school with Adam and we were pretty close, but we drifted apart as we grew older, I changed alot, Adam not so much. But we would talk every few weeks.

Adam was inviting me to what kids around here used to call a "drag up". I'm not sure if they found it from some American TV show or if some retard invented it.

In short a drag up commenced on a boy's 16th or 18th birthday, it consisted of getting drunk, driving, smoking, fighting, attempting to get laid and a sloppy, chaotic race. But on many occasions commenced of one of our bearded friends attempting and failing to buy beer.

I hadnt attended a drag up in years as all of my company are well over 16, however it seemed Adams kid brother Darren was not. I politely refused Adams invite.

I never had a ''drag up'' myself as I wanted to avoid the embarrasment. However, as my prick of a father left when I was still in nappies. When I grew older I started to figure out my own conception of man. So as a teen, I took up smoking, I learned to fight, I played poker, I drank beer and I hanged out with girls, (the latter still confuses me). I soon realised how wrong I was and discovered responsibility.

''Responsibilty'' probably the thing that sucks most about life. My brother and I soon became responsible for bills, rent, food, and so fourth. I taught myself how to fix things, and prioritise cash, I learned social manner, you know, how to pretend you like someone when you really want to rip their eyes out. And I learned how to protect my small family. But I also learned as the greats like Sartre and perhaps Merleau-Ponty would have said, that all my actions, be it big or small, directly or indirectly to some level, affect the people who are close to me. When I learned that, I learned that life can really suck ass.

I'm still learning...

I always assumed that life would get easier as we grew older. I guess I was wrong.

But as long as the game stays interesting...I'm still down to play.

Well thats enough nostalgia for now.