The disappointment in your eyes was evident when you said okay. I looked away to avoid the guilt trip, but I knew it was inevitable anyway.
As I fiddled my thumbs I heard your footsteps walk away, and I sighed in relief and in weariness.
I knew that you wanted me to change, to become this brilliantly charming, positive and relaxed girl. You liked that girl. No, you loved her.
But then it all came down to the diner that night. Something was triggered that changed my perception of myself. And as I was trying to figure out who I was, or who I wanted to be, I tripped and fell down a hole where dark things were waiting for me, lurking.
And then there was you. Smiles pasted to your face, your head filled with hot air. I was angry all of the time and I didn't want to deal with you and the bright stuff that radiated from your skin.
Now that I've found my way out of that hole, which turned out to be a tunnel that led me back to the main drag, you're still there, waiting for me.
Only I can't let you back into my life.
That's just the way it is.
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