.com

@Bwanadik

I have sex daily. I mean dyslexia..

@Bwanadik

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park..

@Bwanadik

Online Chat

I was chatting to this woman online earlier, she said: "So tell me, what do they call you?" "Tripod" 'I replied. "Oooh, why do they call you that, got a big one have you?" She asked.

@nikujagagirl

Random moment from my life #26

(me talking about Verka Serdyuchka) My cousin: Who is he. Me: He'a basically the Lady Gaga of Ukraine. My cousin: Is he cute. Me: He's a transvestite..

@albisher

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild. Money..

@Bwanadik

A female weightlifter pays a visit to her doctor and says "I've been taking steroids and it seems I have grown a cock." "Anabolic?" asks the Doctor "No just a cock" she replies..

@DemonCarter

Weather, Always The Weather

Ooooh, lovely, thunder and lightning. My biggest wish was to have a flash and bang in my bed at night..

@Andy_Hayhurst

Queen's Speech

Every Christmas I watch the Queen's speech, it's always one of my more shameful wanks..