I went to the pet store the other day and I asked the shopkeeper if he had any animals that could help me in my everyday life. He pointed at a parrot that apparently would wake me up at the time I asked it too. But I needed something better. So he showed me a dog. "This dog will fetch your newspaper every day!" said the shopkeeper. I thought I needed something even more useful so I rejected the offer.
The shopkeeper took me round many animals which did not amuse me. Until I spotted a sign on a door behind him which read "EXOTIC ANIMALS".
"What's in there?" I asked. He showed me a variety of the most exotic and endangered animals. But in the corner of the room, I saw a toad in a glass cage. "What's special about this toad?"
"Well, this toad is very special. This toad gives the most amazing blowjobs ever."
"Woah! How much?" I asked as I opened my wallet.
"Three hundred quid," replied the shopkeeper. "Expensive, I know. But worth it."
Hell, why not? I took it.
I arrived home and the wife had dinner ready. I had not told her about our new pet toad. Wanting to see if this frog was worth it, I took it into the bathroom.
10 minutes later the wife was still waiting.
25 minutes she was getting pissed.
At 40 she was beyond pissed and started eating dinner without me.
When an hour passed she got up and pushed the bathroom door open, to find me lying in the bath bollock-naked, holding a cookery book with the toad on my shoulder.
"What the fuck are you doing!?!?" she shouted, both furious and perplexed.
"Right,” I answered, turning my head to her with a grin. “If he learns to cook then you can fuck off."
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