This is the story of my battle with depression..my Black Dog.
Ultimately, it is a story of Hope.
I can't remember the exact day he found me
I didn't know what he was back then
The Black Dog of my youth
gave me no proof
until my 21st year when....
Black Dog
turned my world darker
made me
difficult to be around
Riddled with self doubt
days I'd scream cry and shout
Then weeks struck dumb
I could not make a sound.
He chewed up my concentration and memory
Sniffed my confidence away
Surprise visits, no occasion or reason
Never knowing how long he would stay
He stole my love and
buried my intimacy
Forced me to push all I cared for away
Injurious thoughts
repeat
Repeat
REPEAT
every second of every day
Black dog burdened me with his stigma
Shrouded my true self in shame
My sanity
FrAcTuReD
I'd pretend to be fine,
but Black Dog got BIGGER
and hung around all the time
I'd attack him and challenge him with self medication
Casual Sex...
Drink...
Drugs
and Self Harm
but more often than not, He came out on top
It was easier to stay down
than it was to
Get Up
Black Dog finally succeeded
in bringing me down to my knees
Sting of my own rebuke,
drowning in self pity puke
An opportunity he could not wait to seize
I started to learn not to fight Him
Instead deceive him-throw the dog his own sticks
Black Dog I found is fat and he's lazy
Exercise, was one of my tricks
The problems I'd been running away from
I turned to acknowledge....embrace
Black Dog tried to nuzzle and distract me
but I stood up to what I had to face
Slowly I robbed Black Dog
of his power
Took back the leash, regained some control
Found a White Dog who gave
Friendship and Laughter
And I fell back in love with my soul
I accept him as part of my life now
though at times, he is still very real
He still follows me round in the shadows
But my Black Dog has been brought to heel.
All rights reserved
Fly10 Leigh 2012
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