Losing It.

I'm lacking emotions now
My rage has driven them out
Then dissipated, leaving me
Alone to face my doubt

My vision is somewhat clouded
My future no longer clear
I'm worried that I am losing myself
It is my greatest fear

I can't take it any more
Every day I'm crying
All the stress is killing me
Quietly, I'm dying

Each night I cannot sleep
I'm afraid of all my dreams
In my mind they are real
But no one hears the screams

I say I have no emotions
But I do have one last feeling
I can sense my hollowed heart
The implications send me reeling

Howling from my empty core
Pouring out my pain
My body is a barren wasteland
A desert, no chance of rain

Opening the floodgates
I allow my tears to flow
Sobbing, shaking, suffering
My heart is now on show

Kneeling penitently, I pray
That hope is rediscovered
By my softly sighing soul,
And I can be recovered

Devoid of my optimism
Usually so unrelenting
I'm invaded with nothingness
Brash and unrepenting

I'm surrounded by hypocrites
But they don't understand
I'm left feeling far adrift
On the ocean, far from land

I fight, and try to be myself
But I end up feeling drained
I'm worried that my heart will crack
Break from being strained

I run from here, to the edge
Where waters laps by my feet
I throw my worries out to sea
To try to feel complete

It doesn't work, but how could it?
A pebble forcefully flung
Cannot repair my inner damage
Or offer me a rung

A step up on the ladder
To get me heading back on top
Is what I'm desperately searching for
Before my heart does stop

I feel my weary eyes laughing
Too tired to regret
They stay open all the night
While I worry and fret

Agonisingly I breathe
The cool condescending air
It's mocking my failures too
But life is never fair

I'm in a never ending spiral
Forever falling free
Plummeting towards the pit
Of darkness, lodged in me

I'm starting to lose control
I'm more than a little scared
My vulnerability is under attack
And I am unprepared.

I.Sparrow