Perky-Breasted, Petite, Blonde, Exotic Foreigner: 0 - Me: 1.

[Warning: a bit of swearing and drunkenness!]

I couldn't quite believe what we were doing; what he had gotten us both into.

You see, 'socially awkward' is my middle name. Interacting with new people is a frightening experience I usually avoid as much as possible. I talk too much, or not enough; I make awkward, sarcastic jokes; people just don't get me. But Johnny, he talks to new people with ease and charm, and everyone likes him. He's one of those people who's mere presence gets a party going. He's the sort of person who wouldn't think twice about crashing a party.

And that's exactly what we did.

We had been sitting in the Student's Union, chatting and having what was supposed to be 'one quiet drink,' as I had to get home, when some students started stringing up bunting and putting out plates of party food. Of course, Johnny asked what was going on.

"A party for the international students," the SU staff guy had said, "to help them get to know each other. But you guys are welcome to join in if you like."

Ok, so we weren't really crashing the party - we'd just been invited - but somehow Johnny ended up taking over; setting up giant Jenga, talking to all the students and arranging a night out in town after the party. And he was getting progressively more drunk and funny as the night went on. I could just see the hot, blonde California girl in the hipster glasses swooning over him.

I wished I wasn't driving. I wished I didn't 'have' to go home. I wished I was drunk and about twenty times better at talking to random strangers. But I was useless as always, so I just stuck to Johnny's arm, following him around like some mute personal assistant.

After a while he pulled me to one side and threw his arm around my shoulder.

"You hate me right now, don't you?" Johnny grinned.

"No," I replied, frowning, "but you know I suck at this kind of thing." I actually felt like crying; why was he putting me through this?

"I know," he smiled "that's why I did it. I know it's not what you had planned but look at all the people you've met. And you've been fine - you're not as bad at this as you think. Just go - play Jenga, talk to people. Trust me."

"Ok," I smiled, "I'll try."

So that had been his intention, to help me. To get me 'socialised'. Oh well, I thought, what the hell? And I went for it. I talked to random strangers, I laughed with them, I even played giant Jenga. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I had a good time. Johnny kept grinning at me conspiratorially across the room, and swooping in to help me at Jenga.

An hour later I went out for a smoke and Johnny followed me, looking rather drunk by now.

"Hey," he grinned, sparking up, "we're going to town, I'm going to show the students some good places to drink. Come with us."

"I can't," I said, shaking my head. It was getting late - I should have been home an hour ago. "I have to go home."

"Really?" Johnny looked a little dejected. "Just come, it'll be fun."

I wanted to. I really did. But life was...complicated. It always is.

"I really can't this time," I sighed, finishing my cig, "but you go, enjoy yourself."

"Will you take my uni work for me?" Johnny smiled, taking a last pull on his cig.

"Yeah, of course."

He handed me his bag and coat, then hugged me. I held him tightly, not wanting to let go.

"I love you Johnny," I said, the words failing from my lips before I could control them.

"I love you too," he said, slurring a little from all the booze.

"Really?" I was shocked. "You mean it?"

"Of course I do, I'm always with you ain't I?" He looked away, embarrassed.

I gently kissed his lips and he kissed me back, his hands tight on my arms. He was drunk and probably wouldn't even remember this, come the morning. It hurt to know that even if he did, he'd deny it. I knew Johnny. He was afraid.

"I have to go," he said, pulling away. "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, he turned and left.

I walked back to my car, shivering under the clear night sky. Even as I pulled off the car park, tears in my eyes, I regretted not going to town with them. Who knows what might have happened between us if I had?

It's true that we always regret the things we don't do.

The next day Johnny was somewhat worse for wear, but he still managed to regale me with tales of his crazy night out.

Neither of us mentioned our exchange in the smoking area.

I listened, smiling, hiding my regret and pain.

"And that American girl gave me her number," Johnny said, as if it was nothing. He must have caught my look because his face dropped instantly. "But I threw it away," he said quickly, "no way that was happening. Fucked that right off, got out of there."

He smiled at me, and, despite myself, I grinned back. Our eyes met, for a moment, and something unsaid passed between us.

Perky-breasted, petite, blonde, exotic foreigner: 0 - me: 1.