Why Am I Doing This?

Chapter 1

"Nervous." I sighed, "really nervous." Pushing me back onto my seat, my stylist began fixing my hair. Again. I looked into the mirror and saw that I'd gone pale, my eyes were wide with worry and my mouth was so dry it made speaking difficult.
"You're beautiful." it was my dad, I looked at his reflection in the mirror and I saw that he was both upset and glad. "You're always beautiful maganda." Maganda was Tagalog for beautiful, he always called me it; always.
"Thanks dad but your kind of supposed to say that. It's the rule"
"Well I did read it in the parenting guide," he took my hand and whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too, dad"
Ever since my mom and dad got divorced when i was sixteen I've neglected any kind of relationship with guys. I didn't even want a friendship. I was afraid of getting my heart broken and so I didn't want to feel what my dad felt when my mom went. I remember neglecting everyone when I heard about the divorce, I built walls; shut everybody out of my life.