"It's not what you did."

She looked at me with confusion. I continued -

"It's what you didn't. It's all the times I waited for you to text me first. It's all the times I hated that you had me cursed. It's the fact that you were my only one, my single, simple dream.
But I , was just a did and done, another wave in your stream. I gave you everything I had, which was mine to give. I tried to let it go straight past, since you made me live. But now it's become too hard to forgive, that you're constantly making me feel, as if neither I nor we, ever were truly real."

Her face saddened, I realised it still hurt to see her cry. But I had to be strong, carry on, I couldn't live with this lie.

"I understand, " she finally said. "I've fucked it all up. I was never good enough for you."

The last defence, I thought. An indirect way of blaming me. Fully understandable though, I aswell were like her before. That stage in life, where you don't yet know how to not be selfcentered.

"There will, probably anyways, come a time were you can see that your personality is beautiful, without being selfcentered and neglective of others." I said it as gentle as I could, but I wanted to scream it. "That time just hasn't come yet, and until it does, I can't be with you. It hurts me too much."

She didn't cry. Not a tear. Just that empty expression one gets upon the realisation of a loss, when you, all of a sudden, grasp the fact that you had something, and know it's gone.

"Will I get another chance?"

I knew my answer only would matter for right now, in no more than a week, loosing me would only bother her when I was around her, or her friends. So I was honest.

"If you were in my life, yes. But you probably won't."

Nothing left to say, I convinced myself to leave. As I started walking, she was given her last chance on having me. Just run to me, just scream for me, just hold me, and tell me that for you, I'll make everything right. Walking onboard the train going home, I sighed, thinking of what to do next, knowing that there was no answer, and therefore ending up with what any man in my position would do.