Walking Through Those Panelled Doors

I walk with a monotone pace, my feet hitting the floor in a repetitive place.

The same work, the same parties. The same people, the same job.

Until this day, I got a promotion, I've worked for years for this, for my own office with its mahogany desk and a place at the back for my diplomas and awards.

So why am I so sad?

As my feet hit the floor of this repetitive place. Where I've spent my whole life working at a repetitive pace

For this.

For my promotion, for the office with my name on it, the lavish parties, the company car, the 75k pay check. Think of all I can do with 75k, I could go on holiday twice a year, buy that house I always liked down the road..

But why am I so sad?

As my feet take their last few repetitive steps, and my new office door looms over me, I stop to think...

Why am I so sad?

I worked all these years for this, think of how proud everyone is. "think of how jealous everyone is" she says.

And at that moment, as I turned the key and looked into my new office

I realised why I'm so sad.

Because I've become a monster, much worse than my nightmares and my darkest fears.

Nothing could prepare me for this dark, dark revelation, a self revelation...

That I'm a monster, a money and attention seeking monster...

Hey, at least I don't have to check for monsters under the bed anymore

We stop having to when we realise they are inside of us....

And I laughed

And that laugh rang out through my mind for the rest of my money driven, Lonely days....

But I was never really alone, because she's still there, the little girl who I used to scare, I haunted her dreams since the age of 10....

And now it's my turn