Sometimes I wonder if anyone really grasps how much pain I'm in.
Then I feel selfish as I realise somebody else is in worse.
But in that selfish moment.. I'm scared. Scared of what I'll do. Scared of what it'll do to everyone I know.
I'm in love, yes, with somebody who has a girlfriend. But I keep chasing him.
I have a best friend who'd be better off without me.
So, while I lie awake at night, I wonder if anyone will ever miss me. If I disappeared right now.. Who would attend my funeral?
So many people who have caused me pain.. Most of whom don't even know it.
Randomly bursting into tears every time I touch off a hard subject..
Randomly looking to my bedside table for the scissors I keep there..
Holding them..
Putting them back down.
It's not what everyone expects from me.
They know me as the strong one. The one who can't be broken.
.. If I'm unbreakable, and I feel like this.. What do they feel like?
Is there worse pain behind their happy 'mask', like mine?
Or is everyone what they seem?
So, here I lie, questioning.
Questioning me, life as I know it, people as I know them.. Existence.
Here I lie, questioning.
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@MeghanTheOne
I'm a proud Irish Directioner named Meghan.. People always say I seem older than I actually am.. Maybe my experiences aged me. Who knows? But I'm far from mature :p I'm me.. Nobody will ever change that, no matter how hard they try. And trust me, they try. "I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world.." "Don't make me stay the night, or ask if I'm alright.. 'Cause I don't have the answer." "And you're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone.." "Don't listen to a word I say.. The screams all sound the same." "I'm trying to be okay, I'm trying to be alright.." "I'm sorry I can't be perfect." "You're broken and scarred, nothing feels right.." "You might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not." "You're the closest thing to Hell I've seen so far." "I'm holding every breath for you."
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