Misheard

@kfryer

If You Want To Be Powerful.. Like Lady Macbeth

Look like th'innocent flower, but be the serpant under it..

@erzamarie

Beautiful Things

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless. - John Ruskin, The Stones of Venice, I.

@thelivjay

"The stars move still, time runs, the clock will strike, the Devil will come, and Faustus must be damn'd. O, I'll leap up to my God. Who pulls me down.

@mushyprin

Phone Operator

Phone voice: Please leave a message after the tone. You: *sigh* Phone: Beeeep You: How rude. *You cut off the phone* A few days later. Phone:you have one message.

@JazzCav

Lovers From Lenesco

-Forgive me Madame, or should I say Madamoiselle. -I beg your pardon I'm afraid I don't happen to know you. -And I'm afraid I don't know you either. -Then neither of us know each other. -Exactly.

@seanlloyd

Picnic

Setting 1-Stuck inside a house, bored. Mum: (softly) It's a great day, how about we go for a picnic. Jenny: (excitedly) Oh boy. I'd love to go for a picnic. Sam: (excitedly) Yea' that sounds great.

@LochlainnMcKenna

The Wrong Side

John: You seem upset. Joanna: Fuck off. John: What side of your bed is the wrong side. Joanna: What. John: And what side did you say you woke up on?.

@karlospopper

Who Cares, Really?

A funny bittersweet moment from the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.