Spam

@Nobody

Save Money

I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by not getting any..

@ggxbabe

Friendship

Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it but you get the warm feeling that it brings..

@Nobody

Sidewalk

Dear sidewalk, Please get wider... Sincerely, third friend walking behind feeling excluded..

@priyashashri

Teacher: you had all weekend to do your homework!. Me: umm sorry bitch, but I have a life..

@hallofrumors

Playing Hard To Get

I heard that girls like it when I play hard to get, so I've locked myself in my apartment & turned off my phone. Now, I wait..

@em99sh

Thanks to all those men and women in uniforms. Especially the ones in camouflage. They got left out, cuz they are hard to see. -Ellen Degeneres.

@keynell

Smartphones

The smarter the phone, the dumber the battery..

@DazyQueen

Boys, a nuclear reactor is just like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. Homer Simpson.