The Broken Promise (P1)

I smiled at my small circle of friends as we hung out in the courtyard during finals.
My beautiful, perfect, wonderful friends.
Paul was the only one that knew about the other side of me. [You remember him from my MWH stories.]
My other side is a horrifying thing. It's a vulnerable, depressed, scared, and suicidal nightmare.
It all comes from a few different things. One is my family situation - financial and emotional battles. Two is my church (not the church itself. The other teenagers in said church, that hatefully and cruelly exclude me from everything. Three is guys. Guys treating me like crap.
All of this combines with all of my pain. No self esteem, no hope.
But the thing is...this only comes out when I'm at home.
When I'm out with my friends, I feel beautiful and happy and free and myself.
But when the night time comes...I suddenly get into this stupor. This state of intense self hatred.
When it happens, I talk to Paul, who tries to help.
This has been going on for months.
Until one terrible night...things came to a sudden, screeching halt.