To me they are always kind
Really, I should pay no mind
Unless I'm being stabbed in the back
Still, I'm not; so why do I feel attacked?
That hasn't happened in a long time.
I've matured, I'm past those days
So are they, they've changed their ways
Still everyone, I suspect
Until I'm a paranoid wreck
Everyone and everything I doubt
Secure for a bit, but soon put back out.
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The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still there is much that is fair. ~Tolkien
No tears, just thoughts Of what if. And if not. Who I am hates who I've been But I'm still wrapped up in sin I'm jealous. I'm okay. I'm angry. Can this all go away.
No one ever listens,. Yet I always try,. Sometimes I just want to run away,. Curl up and begun to cry,. No one ever cared,. Yet I do my best,. I'm sorry I'm only one person,.
I'm falling short of. Your hopeless expectation,. You wanted plastic-perfection. But I'm just a reckless misdirection,. So let the alarm bells ring,. I'm the odds and ends of something,.
I hate how you imply that I should be more like you I hate how I'll never be that I hate how you don't talk to me, but say I'm the one that doesn't talk I hate how I know I won't ever start the...
What do you do when your best isn't enough. When you try so hard and it's just too tough. Do you just stop living. Do you lay down and die. Do you make an extra effort, Or do you just start to cry.
Stand before the mirror, Fingertips to glass, Watch distorted images, Intention: to harass. Sometimes telling truly, Sometimes lies of spite, Throwing my reflection, Into a new light.
I want to talk, but who to talk to. In here there is no one what should I do. The mistake it is in my mind. I want to forget it I want it to hide.
Heart and mind are never in sync. Try as I might but there seems to be no link. Mind says go and heart says stop. And I am just stuck and can't reach the top. Heart and mind both cause me pain.
@crowncottage Aww, poor us :P I honestly hate it, it means I can't make new friends like other people can, and am afraid of romantic relationships.
It hasn't stopped me from having a great life. I do make friends etc. But that feeling has always been in the background. I have pretended it isn't and then it keeps it in the background and doesn't ruin things! I am old though and have had years or practice. π
@crowncottage Well that makes sense. However, the thought of going to new things and hanging out with people I haven't known forever makes me feel sick, I literally get nauseous with nervousness. I'm not sure how I'm going to work past it, but I know I have to.
Yes that's how I always was. I still suffer from feelings of dread when I have to meet new people, but it's amazing how much acting brave and confident helps. Nobody knows what's going on in your head except you. When I tell people of my problem, they just don't believe me. They say, ' no, not you' it's only my family and close friends who really know, oh and you now too! βΊ
@crowncottage Aw I feel honored! π I try to project a confident image and always tell myself I'm going to, but I usually fail miserably. :( I'm socially awkward... I told my dad so, and he said "Me too." I find it hard to believe because he gets along so well with other people and can have seemingly easy conversations with them, whereas I struggle a lot. It seems that, like you, he has that part down! Now I just need to figure out how to do it. π
It's just acting and soon it becomes second nature. You will probably always have the feelings, but no one need know! ππ
@crowncottage This is true! I supposed the hard part will be the initial breaking out of the shell, and then getting used to it. I've gone through my comfort zone like that before, but I think this may be the hardest situation yet.
What forced me was when my third child was diagnosed as profoundly deaf. I had to force myself to go into uncomfortable situations. To talk to doctors and travel across London to strange hospitals with her. You force yourself to do things when you have to. I hope it's easier for you, I have a feeling you will be fine very soon! βΊ
@crowncottage Yes, sometimes passion is our biggest motivator. It depends on how much something means to you, and you can push yourself beyond what you thought you could do. I'm sure I can work past it eventually. π
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