1: take one fresh aspirational mind, marinate in a mix of 20% unrealistic expectations 50% delusion and 30% arrogance. An overnight marinade works well but for best results, set aside for 20 years.
2: tenderise the mind with a heavy dash of self-indoctrination and a smidgen of initiative. If there isn't any initiative available, substitute with one tbs of learning-by-rote.
3: in a steamer cook the brain. Make sure the pressure to succeed is as high as you can get it. Pro-tip; you can let the brain do most of the work for you by massaging in any leftover unrealistic expectations from the marinade.
4: set a range of challenges, each more devilishly challenging/tedious (depending on what you have available in the fridge) than the last.
5: encourage the brain to master these and become the best possible version of itself.
6: leave the warm glow of pride subside.
7: fail.
8: dust yourself off and fail again.
9: blame the economy.
10: continue failing with numbing regularity until you are out of blame.
11: search feverishly for more blame, find none. Welcome to the bottom of your very own shame spiral!
12: cry...but only when no-ones watching! After all, you wouldn't want this shame-spiral to turn into a pity-flan!
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