4 Minutes

I sat in bed, listening to the rain hit the window, reflecting on the past. It was a warm day, about 6 months ago, I had a friend who was a bit of a slut. She wasn't the best of friends but I didn't have many, so I wasn't in a position to give up my best friend. So I walked home, taking time to enjoy the warm weather and the gentle breeze. As I approached my house, I noticed I had some messages and missed calls. Some from my best friend, and a few from my friend Matt. I looked at the messages starting to worry. I opened Jenny's message first, 'hey thanks for being such a good friend, Matt told me everything you said about me. True colours shining through now.' I rushed through the door, furiously slamming it behind me. How could he? I told him those things in confidence, I told him how we were becoming separate because she preferred to be around boys, I told him things more personal and all this time he had been telling Jenny? I quickly composed a message to him, asking what the hell was going on, furious about the situation. 4 minutes. Those two words still send a chill down my spine. I checked the time, 12:31. It was raining harder now, I likened it to the thoughts, hammering my head. I remembered what I said, 'this is it, we can't be friends anymore, so any last words?' He simply replied 'you know how I feel' I did know, but I was angry. I wanted to give him a chance to apologise seeming as he still thought he did the right thing.' You're beautiful' he said, 'you're the soul reason I wake up I don't know what I'd do without you.' I was touched at first, but then I remembered that he didn't regret anything he did, I remember telling him none of it was true, just like his promises not to tell anyone. I wrote a paragraph back, telling him how I never wanted to hear from him again, 'this is it Matt, goodbye' I was still mad, anger fuelling my texts. 4 minutes, the time it took for me to destroy him. I knew how he felt, but at that moment, I didn't care. If he loved me that much, he would never have said those things. 6 months later. It took me 6 months, to realise the mistake I had made. I had been heartless. The rain had lightened up a bit, but my thoughts had only gotten more distressing. I destroyed his life in 4 minutes. It took me 6 months to realise this? I'm a terrible person, caring only about myself. 6 months ago, I was nearly a murderer. I was lucky Matt couldn't do it to himself, but I'll never forgive myself for what I said. Never. I started to drift off, the thoughts becoming too powerful. The rain had almost stopped and I couldn't help but think about how low he must have felt to contemplate killing himself. How low I made him feel. I thought about how much happier he would be if I was never part of his life. How I could have changed 6 months in four minutes. How little things can change so much in the future. How I almost killed someone in 4 minutes. The thoughts sent me into a disturbed sleep.

Yep first post and I know it's bad but I needed to throw that out there and yeah it's a true story (changed names because it sounded too real haha)