I'm Sorry

This was a poem I wrote for my best friend last year when I felt I was taking up all of her time and energy.... She's still my best friend, and I love her.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the sarcasm
I'm sorry for the lies
I'm sorry for constantly living
Two different lives.
I'm the happiest girl one minute
And down in the dumps the next.
I, myself, don't get it
And neither do the rest.
I know it's not your responsibility
To cheer me up when I'm down,
So I'm really really sorry
Whenever it comes around.
I can't stop it
It won't go away
It seems like its getting worse
Each and every day.
You tell me to hide it
I promise you I try
But you always know when I'm sad
And then you wonder why.
So I tell you what's bothering me
And you know what you do?
You look me in the eyes and say
"It'll be okay, I'm here for you."
I believe you then
I believe you now
But sometimes it won't go away
It just comes back somehow.
If I shove it back into my brain
And pretend everything's alright
One day my eyes will start to rain
And on that day I'll need you to hold
me tight.
All of me wants to believe it
And then there's a little tug
"you'll never be good enough"...
Sometimes all I need is a hug.
You don't need to try to cheer me up
You do that just by smiling
Although I might not show it on the
outside,
Inside I'm crying.
I'm crying for two reasons,
One of which is really true.
The first is because I doubt myself
And the second is because I love you.
They're tears of joy gushing free
Because I can't believe
That someone as awesome as you
Would be friends with someone like
me.
You put up with all of my crud
Which not a lot of people would do.
That just makes me so much more
thankful,
Thankful that I have you.
Your laugh and beautiful smile
Automatically make my day
100x better than it would've been
And slap me if you may,
But I also love your little nubbins
Trust me, it's true
For without the dang fly-aways,
Well, you wouldn't be you.
I love laughing with you about
All your bird obsessions and cares
Like "girl look at that wingspan"
And the way he fluffs his hair.
I don't know what I would do without
you
I honestly can't think.
But if you hadn't come to Western
I would've been pushed to the brink.
For more than half of the year
I've laughed so hard with you
And it sucks that for the rest of it
You've had to help me through
Everything that's coming back
From a long time ago
I can't help myself from thinking
That I should let you know -
I'm sorry for letting myself
Create bad scenarios at times
It's the devil getting in my head
and making my heart whine.
I don't actually think you'll get fed up
with me
For venting to you a lot
My brain is just afraid, you see
Because you're all I've got.
I know I've said all this before
It's probably getting old
And I've said I'm sorry 100+ times
And every time you've told
me that "its alright, you're forgiven."
"you would do the same for me"
"we're friends, it's what we do"
And friends I hope we'll forever be.
Every laugh
Every tear
Every hug
Every smile
Every glance
Every fight
Every joke
Every time we say goodnight
I think about how blessed I am
That God placed you in my life.
Thank you, Em.