Female Vampire

@coco

Hey babe, wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Opuss 'til I google+ all over your Facebook?.

@aaronwhitty

How do you make a door scream. -pull its nob.

@bigmelbatoast911

Doctor Visit

Man goes to Doctor. Doc says: "You've got to stop masturbating." Man: "Why?" Doc: "Because I'm trying to examine you".

@robohobo

Visit To The Midwife

Midwife- How do you know your about to give birth Me- a head popping out your vagina is always a tale tell sign.

@robohobo

Broken Biscuits

What a boring job that must be, breaking biscuits for the boxes of broken biscuits.

@Panda

Family Guy

It's not a growth, it's your penis.

@ShaunShank

Why is it whenever I tell people it's hard to piss with an erection they move to another urinal?.

@radar

Daughter: Dad, I'm a lesbian. Dad: oh that's cool. 2nd daughter: Dad, I'm a lesbian too. Dad: GOD DAMMIT does anyone in this house like cock!!. Son: I do. :) !!.