Why?

Words are harder to use, because you don't want to offend anyone or make a fool of yourself,
You just keep analysing everything you've said in your head to see where you went wrong,
Even if you didn't,
You think these people don't like you and there laughter is fake and just out of politeness,
You feel bad because you haven't been able to actually make people genuinely smile,
You start to become more and more scared of what people think about you or what they say behind your back or if they are laughing at you,
You know theres nothing special about you,
Your not good enough ,
You start to not trust people because how do you know if they are actually your friends,
You feel as if you go on auto pilot when you speak and can't stop yourself and regret anything you've said as soon as you've said it,
Your starting to not speak at all to save yourself the self doubt and guilt,
You don't know who you actually are or what you feel,
You are lost in your own mind just hoping for someone to help but no one ever does because they don't know anything is wrong,
Yet you can't bring yourself to call the doctors because you don't trust them either,
You keep telling yourself it'll go away on its own,
Its nothing to worry about but it won't and deep down You know that.