My Story

It's painful being me on a daily basis.

My mum was my best friend, my soul mate, my enemy all rolled into one person, this made her one brilliant person.
She first became ill when I was just 16 and taking my G.C.S.E's, she sat me and my brother down and told us she had found a lump and it happened to be breast cancer, we were all in shock it wasn't long and she was in hospital having her op, after awhile she told us all she had the ten years clear it was over and all gone.
Disaster struck in 2009 when we were told again that it had returned and this time it was worse it had to be treated with chemotherapy and this meant that she would lose her hair, so I shaved mine off, she very quickly went down hill but we still could not believe this was all happening, December 09 she went into hospital and didn't come out till 8th Jan 2010 at 4pm, I had a phone call from my dad saying my brother is coming to get me as I need to see mum, from this moment on it was automatic pilot all the way.
I spent hours with her sat by the bed looking at what this horrid disease had done to my mum to make her almost unrecognisable at 9.30pm I finely found it in myself to tell my mum I would be back tomorrow kiss her on the head hope she understood me and leave, I got home and told my husband I had no more hope left just one last wish and that was that she would still be there tomorrow when I go round.
My mobile started to ring at 10.10pm and it flashed up 'mum and dad home' without hesitation I picked it up to silence and then my dad sniffling and finely saying 'she's gone' and then hanging up.
That was the night my whole life changed and not for the good, all that was going through my head was what to do I was lost and confused, no one else understood I was on my own and the room was dark.
I can't describe the pain it has over me even now I find it hard to talk about her or hear other people going on about what they do with their mums or the fact that they took their mum out for mothers day, I know it's not their fault that I don't have a mum but if I had only one wish it would be to have her back for a full 24 hrs so that I could take her out and go shopping and do all the things that I miss also let my two boys say bye to their nana as they never got the chance to do.
No one truly understands till it happens to them.

That's why it hurts to be me.
Missing you loads mum now and always xxxxxx