I don't really know when or why it started, my depression. Tried to cheer myself up, smile for a brighter expression, it sometimes works. Sometimes I'm smiling outside, crying in my interior. I want to feel something else, so I seek words. I failed my own mission miserably, I feel inferior. Trying to do more now is like trying to catch a falling sword. Don't get me wrong, I'm not addicted to drowning myself in sorrow, I'm just too tired to fight so I decide to go with the flow.

Lot's of people think that I haven't been through a lot, that for somebody else in another part of the world have bigger problems than I am. They think I'm making a commotion, want their attention. But still they don't offer solution. That's what you have to find yourself, this is a solo game.

Tried to kill myself once, I didn't succeed, too scared, that was eight years ago. I proceed with life thereafter. Life goes on, more troubles, I suffer, now trying to conquer. I know now that isn't the right way out, mother I was sorry. Your daughter was too lazy, needed to get out and about. Some posts in Opuss also are about self-hate, I totally can relate, but may I pass a message, it will not take you anywhere. It blinds you with rage, binds you with pride. Guess I've taken a step on this long ride called life cause I realize.

Even then I'm still trying to catch up my breath. So I decide to take it easy for a moment. May be I'll prepare ketchup for my bread with meat as a sandwich. Sit on a bench and draw air into my lungs and look at my surroundings. Take a bite and taste the food. Flood my eyes with tears if I feel it'll make me better. For the game's not over, the battle's still on. And yes when I'm ready I'll fight again.