The Theatre Kids The Musical

THEATRE KIDS THE MUSICAL
Show Begins with THEATRE KID THEME.
Christian: So, glad that's over.
Conner: nods
Lydia: Well, wasn't really THAT bad.
Christian: Did you HEAR my part? Nobody says that.
Alaina: Well, too bad we don't have any control over the theme song lyrics, so,
Danielle: Come here wife 1!
Lydia: Me? or, Leanah?
Danielle: I was specifically talking to Wife Lydia, but Wife Leanah can come too.
Leanah: And where are we going?
Danielle: To the kitchen. Im hungry, I am going to go eat some innocent kids food.
Lydia: Oh, Danielle. Such a good girl.
Danielle: I know you love me.
Lydia: Yeahhhhh.
Leanah: But wait! I love you too! I love you MORE. (Jokingly)
Danielle: But I don't even like you! I love you.
Leanah: What?
Danielle: Nevermind. Let's go.
Q-tip: (Makes Dramatic Entrance)
Don't cry for me Argentina! (Cheers)
All girls fight to give hugs
Conner: in disgust why HIM? Why dont they do that to me?
Christian: No one wants to give you a hug because you stink.
Conner: not all the time!
Christian: gives firm nod But, even if you didn't, why girls don't give hugs to guys like us is, we arent as sweet, or kind, or loving as him.
Conner: Right.
Both sing WHY Q-TIP
Conner: But really man. It's him and Adam the music man, ya know?
Christian: Yeah, dude. They both get all the girls and we are left with none. Zero.
Conner: And plus girls like SWOON when Adam sings and plays those few chords on that out of tune, old, crappy piano. But when I play, its like I'm not even there.
Christian: Except you CAN'T play the piano.
Conner: I can play just about as much as Adam The Piano Man can.
Christian: RIGHT.
Conner: Um, Savanna isnt swooning for either Quantavius OR Adam.
(Both look at each other)
Conner: She's mine.
Christian: No, she is mine.
(Both walk away fighting)
Sadie: Really?
Alaina: Yes! They were just fighting over Savanna. I always thought that Conner liked her but not Christian! I mean, I didn't hear much of the conversation, but that's what it sounded like.
Sadie: Aah. Ok.
Alaina: They were also being really Jealous that Q-Tip was getting all the girls.
Sadie: HA!
(Conner and Christian Poke heads around corner)
Conner: We werent Jealous!!!!
Christian: No, we were just having a simple conversation.
Alaina: You sang a song. That is serious.
Sadie: Nice one, Alaina.
Conner: But, No. Not jealous, just a little, you know, disgusted that
Quantavius, he got all the girls, just because of his kind nature, and, his overly vibrato singing voice.
Lydia: Knock it off, Conner. His voice is perfect.
Christian: And there you go. Q-Tip is the best. Q-Tip Q-Tip Q-Tip. Blah blah blah. I am sick of it.
Lydia: He is a sweet, loving, sensitive, caring, and awesome guy! Everything that you wish everybody was!
Conner: Whatever, Lydia, we are, we're, leaving.
Lydia: Oh, such a threat. I would actually be happier if you DID leave, you are in the makeup room. I am going to put makeup on you if you don't get out.
Conner: We're going we're going! (blows a kiss and runs off)
Lydia: (Runs after him)
Leanah: No, I'm not allowed.
Jeffery: Well, can you go to Mc.Donalds?
Leanah: Nope, not allowed.
Jeffrey: Can you go to PJ's?
Leanah: Nope, Not allowed.
Jeffrey: Can you... Oh, nevermind.
Leanah: I probably wouldn't be able to.
Jeffrey: Well, I must disappear.
Leanah: ha, ok. Bye.
Jeffrey: See you!
Leanah: Ok!
Lydia: What did HE have to say?
Leanah: He was asking me if I wanted to go somewhere. It turned in a sort of a game, because I can't go ANYWHERE. So he just kept asking me.
Lydia: Oh. Well, ok, then.
Jared: Hey, Lydia, leanah.
Lydia: Hi, Jaarreedd!
Jared: Uhm, hi. Again.
Lydia: Oh, Jared, such a charmer!
Jared: Thanks?
Lydia: Yeahhhhh.
Leanah: If you can't tell, Lydia likes you.
Jared: Yes, I actually do.
Leanah: (Sarcastically) Great.
Jared: Lydia! I am going to go grab lunch. Wanna come?
Lydia: Uhm, like a date?
Jared: Sure, you could call it that... I am actually going with Adam, Jeffrey, Skyler, Heather, and Danielle. But you can come, too.
Lydia: But, um, I thought it would be just, you know, us.
Jared: Well, Its not. Sorry...
Lydia: Oh that's alright. I was expecting something else, but, well, wishes don't always come true, you know.
Jared: I know that too well. But anyways, I'm about to leave, want to come?
Lydia: Oh! Um, yeah!
Jared: Need a ride?
Lydia: Actually yes, I do.
Jared: Great! Well let's go then!
Lydia: Yay! Let's go! (Takes Jared's hand and kicks up leg as she walks out)
BLACKOUT
(At restaurant)
Server: Hello, How may I help you guys today?
Jared: Hey, I am paying for her (Points to Lydia) today. But the rest are their own tabs.
Lydia: Jared! You are buying me food?
Jared: Yes, yes I am.
Lydia: yay!
Jeffrey: Ok, enough romantic extravagance.
Lydia: Ok!
Danielle: Jared! Why didn't you invite Leanah?
Jared: Oh, um, I don't know, her dad wouldn't let her.
Jeffrey: I would know.
Danielle: Or, did you not want Leanah to see you be all kissy kissy with Lydia?
Jared: No! No. Me and Lydia are JUST friends.
Danielle: (Mumbling) for now.
Lydia: What? What did you just say?
Danielle: Oh, it's, um FOUR now. Wow, it's late! I better be getting home!
Jared: Danielle, it's 7:30.
Danielle: Oh, I need to go get my, um, wrist fixed.
Jared: Why are you lying again?
Danielle: Well, better be getting home! Uh, bye bye!
(Danielle RUNS off stage)
Lydia: I am going to KILL that girl.
Adam: Calm down. It's not like you would be able to fight her!
Lydia: Hmm? You don't think I can fight her? Are you calling me a wimp?!
Adam: No! No. I was just, just, kidding, yeah.
Lydia: Ugh! (Facepalm!)
Adam: I think it's time for a song.
Lydia: Yeah!
Adam: About me?
Lydia: (Angrily) No!
Jeffrey: Me?
Lydia: (Angrily) No!
Jared: Me?
Lydia: (Flirtatiously) Sorry, but no. (Back into angriness) ME!
Lydia sings LYDIA MCLAUREN
Heather: Yeah, that pretty much explains it.
(Adam and Jeffrey nod in agreement)
Jared: I am sorry, but I didn't really like that song. It's not, really, you.
Heather: No, well, yes, sometimes, MAYBE.
Lydia: Works for me!
Heather: Good!
Lydia: Yes.
Heather: Awesome. Wait what are we talking about again?
Lydia: Nevermind.
Jared: Guys, where is Danielle.
Lydia: She can't drive, her dad Is at work, and I have no idea where her mom is.
Adam: So she is probably just waiting outside.
Jeffrey: Makes sense.
Heather: So, let's go check on her. She could have run away! Or she is out on the street corner trembling.
Lydia: Second one is more likely, because it is like two degrees outside.
Heather: Let's go.
(BLACKOUT)
(OUTSIDE)
Heather: Danielle?
Danielle: Mom! Pick up the phone! Ughh!
Lydia: Danielle!
Danielle: Oh! Uh, hi!
Lydia: We aren't together.
Danielle: YET.
Lydia: (Trying to contain anger) Um, no, never. Not EVER.
Danielle: Whatever.
Lydia: Ok. Ok. I just can't take this anymore.
Danielle: Ok. Good. I'm glad.
Lydia: Jared? When are we leaving? I want to go home now.
Jared: Ok, we can go.
Lydia: Ok. I live-
Jared: I know.
Lydia: Oh, yeah, that is SO normal.
Jared: Yes, it is.
Lydia: Um, ok. Well it's on Wall Drive.
Jared: Ok. Bye guys.
ALL except Jared and Lydia and others who weren't in this scene: Bye!
Lydia: Yeah, bye guys!
(Blackout)
Austin: (Playing only two chords on guitar) Hey, hey, hey, now, I really really like your face
Lydia and Sadie: (Giggle in flirtatious way)
Austin: (Winks at both) Yeah, I know.
Conner: Ughhhhhhh.
Jared: What? Is someone a little JEALOUS??
Conner: No, we are NOT going in to that whole Q-tip thing again.
Jared: Hmm?
Conner: You know, you don't even NEED to know.
Jared: Ok, ok. But why were you jealous of q-tip again?
Conner: Cuz, he gets the girls all CROWDING around him. Just cuz he can freaking dance. He just makes me mad, you know?
Jared: Nope.
Conner: Nevermind, you wouldn't understand. Every single girl has a huge crush. ON YOU.
Jared: No way! Really?
Conner: And you act like YOU didn't know.
Jared: Actually, I did, but I was just waiting for someone to TELL me that.
Conner: Oh, that makes sense.
Jared: Well, catch ya later.
Conner: Ok. But waiiiiiittttt....
Jared: Yeah?
Conner: What do you do to get every single girl to have a crush on you?
Jared: Uhhh... (silence) I have no idea.
Conner: Do I keep flirting, stop flirting? Do I , like, change EVERYTHING I do?
Jared: I don't really... FLIRT... but just be nice, and quit flirting with EVERYTHING. Like, I am pretty sure you were flirting with a paper cup the other day.
Conner: it was attractive! (Begins to humbly pout)
Sing CHANGE
Conner: Ahh. But what if I don't want to change? What if I don't ever want to change? I want to stay the same.
Jared: Oh, just advice. JUST advice.
Lydia: (Twirling hair around finger) Hey boys! What are you up to?
Jared: Nothing, how are you?
Lydia: Great! How about you?
Jared: Oh, just the same as always!
Lydia: Oh, Jared!
Conner: (Motions in front of their faces) IM HERE TOO! You two kind of make me a LITTLE bit sick. Lydia, you are like, Jared this, Jared that, and Jared is like, I want a girlfriend.
Lydia: (Smacks Conner across the face) Conner, stop it! I am not always talking about Jared! Only 98 percent of the time!
Jared: Wait, what?
Conner: Maybe so! But if you keep talking about him that 98 percent I am going to tell your PARENTS that you two are sick love birds!
Lydia: CONNER! STOP IT!
Conner: Why should I? I never get a part In your LOVESICK CONVERSATIONS! I can never say a word. Stupid old Conner never gets to talk!
Lydia: WE LET YOU TALK AND THIS IS WHAT WE GET!
Jared: Lydia? Are you ok?
Lydia: I'm fine! Let's... Go... Home.
Conner: Ok, just leave me here! Alone...
Adam: What's wrong, man?
Conner: I'll never get that... Stupid, crazy.... Super hot girl. She wants to go and fall for Mr. Jerry Taylor. Jerry Taylor! I can't stand it.
Adam: I had that girl once.
Conner: Oh, yeah, of course YOU did. YOU can have any friggen girl you want. You have 2 hands and a piano, and a voice, and you can get girls to come and SWOON over you!
Adam: Really?
Conner: No DUHHH!
Adam: COOL! I have a superpower!
Conner: Yeah, a superpower, sure.
(Adam starts playing a simple tune on the piano)
Lydia, Heather, Leanah, Skyler: (Start to sing along)
Heather: I am so glad we have an amazing piano player at this theatre!
Leanah: Yeah. I mean, what can't he do?
Lydia: Ok, stop, stop. What can't he do? EVERYTHING. Ok?
Heather, Leanah, Skyler: (Gasp) LYDIA!
Lydia: (rolls eyes) Ugh. You guys. This ma- I mean little boy, is totally undatable. I should know. He DUMPED me.
Conner: Yeah what a butt.
Heather, Leanah, Skyler: Sigh Ok then.
Jared: Hey, Lydia!
Lydia: Hey, JARED!!!!!
Leanah: Ughhhhhhh...
Heather: Here we go again.
Jared: I need a girlfriend. I think I know someone who could do the trick. wink
Lydia: (Giggles) Oh Jared! Really?
Jared: No.
Lydia: (Glares) Oh. Ok, then. Be that way.
Jared: Lydia, I was just kidding. I like you. A lot.
Lydia: Oh! Uh... I... I know.
Jared: Yeah. So... Um...
Conner: (Gets so close to Lydia you assume a kiss) You. Suck.
Jared: Back away, Conner.
Conner: Yeah. Ok. I bet you were trying to hold back Back Away from my GIRLFRIEND.
Jared: No! Uh, I wasn't.
Lydia: You weren't?
Jared: I mean, I wasn't so much that... I was.
Conner: So Lydia IS your girlfriend.
Jared: No! I mean, yeah, I mean.... UGH!
Lydia: Conner, don't stress him! He needs his time and space.
Conner: Like you do while you make out.
Lydia: (Anger boils inside of her) CONNER!! I. Hate. You.
Conner: That's what I am here for!
Jared: By the way, uh, ConNERD, I havent made out with her.
Conner: Yeah. SURE.
Lydia: Conner, I'm sorry, but I am NEVER going to go out with you. Keep on trying to get me, and I won't take the time to do the same to you.
Conner: But... Uh... DURRGHH!
Lydia: Jerry, let's go.
Jared: (Mouthing at Conner) SHE'S MINE.
(BLACKOUT)
(Conner, Lydia, Leanah, Heather, Alaina, and Christian finish a song with a long, harmonized hold.)
Alaina: Ooooh!!
Heather: That's pretty!
Christian: I will take the credit for the harmonies.
Lydia: But, Uh, I wrote the harmonies.
Christian: I said I'd take the credits for them. I never said I wrote them.
Conner: You know what else didn't write the harmonies?
Conner & Christian: POOP! (Yeah!)
Lydia: I agree the harmonies are pretty.
Amy: Those harmonies are beautiful. Who wrote them?
Christian: Me!
Lydia: They were mine. I wrote them.
Amy: I am SO confused. Like, SO. Confused.
Leanah: Lydia wrote them, Christian insists taking the credit for them. They are fighting over it.
Lydia: I'm not fighting!
Christian: Yes you are!
Lydia: No. I'm not.
Christian: Im pretty freaking sure you are.
Lydia: I am not! You can't tell me what I am doing!
Christian: Yes I can.
Kim: ENOUGH!
(Christian and Lydia stop fighting and all Is very quiet.)
Lydia: Christian, your mom FREAKS ME OUT.
Christian: You got that right.
Lydia: She freaks you out too?
Christian: She is my mom. Don't moms usually freak you out?
Lydia: True...
Christian: We should probably go and work on the dance for the opening on our free time.
Lydia: Sure. Let's go.
Kim: Should... Should I be offended?
Amy: Nahh, it's just, kids.
Kim: I guess.
(Blackout)
Heather: And... Then what?
Alaina: And we kissed him!
Heather: NO!
Alaina: Yeah. We really did!
Lydia: What are you two talking about?
Alaina: Anniken Pugwalker.
Lydia: You... Kissed... My dog?
Heather: Well, you did too.
Lydia: When?
Heather: When you and her had a sleepover!
Lydia: The last time I had a sleepover with Alaina was at least a month ago!
Heather: Wait... Alaina? Do you have something to say?
Lydia: More like CORRECT?
Alaina: Hmm? Uh... Nope.
Heather: Ok, can we start over? I'm SO confused.
Alaina: Oh... Ok!
Lydia: Let's go watch Doctor Who. I'm bored.
Heather: We can't really, we have nowhere to go to watch it, plus, we have nothing to watch it on!
Alaina: Sure Heather, SURE.
Lydia: We have IPHONES Heather, get with the times.
Heather: Well, Ok then. I know you have iPhones. I HAVE ONE TOO!
Lydia: AH, Sure you do, SURE.
Alaina: Let's go!
(BLACKOUT)
Jared: Lydia, I have something to tell you...
Lydia: Numbers! Letters!
Alaina Numbers! Letters!
Jared: Hello?
Lydia: Numbers! Lett- oh, hello Jerry, Uh, sorry, what did you say? We were a little... Busy.
Jared: As if I couldn't tell.
Lydia: So, what happened? It sounded like you needed to tell me something.
Jared: Uh... I did, um... I-I don't think this relation- I mean friendship is working out.
Lydia: What? Why?
Jared: Uh... I.. I just talked about it with m-my mom. She said that she doesn't "approve of your REBELLIOUS behavior." I'm real-really sorry.
Lydia: Ok. It's... It's ok. Sometimes-sometimes parents suck. (Tries to hide tears)
Jared: Lydia, if there was anything I could do I would do it. Do you need anythi-
Lydia: (Cutting Jared off) No, no. I just... Need to be alone.
(Alaina and Jared draw out of the room slowly)
(Lydia sings LOVE)
Lydia: Maybe, someday, somewhere somehow. I will find true love.
(Blackout)
(Teenagers are buzzing with excitement)
Amy: I am now here to Announce the list of shows for next year!
(All girls scream loudly)
January: Hairspray! (Everyone begins to cheer)
February: The Addams Family! (Even louder cheers)
March: A chorus line! (Cheering is at a low, but there are a few cheers)
April: Legally Blonde! (The girls cheer, boys boo)
June: Annie get your gun! (Medium cheers)
August: Annie! Jeffery: Excuse me! I don't mean to interfere, but... Uh, didn't we already do Annie? AND Hairspray? AND A chorus line?
Amy: We did, but we ran out of shows, so we... Compromised. Jeffery: Oh... Well, carry on!
Amy: October: Anything Goes!
(Screams at all time low)
December: Drumroll, please! A Christmas carol!
(Everyone boos but Q-tip, he is screaming and cheering.)
Jeffery: Actually, we did A Christmas Carol already. TWICE.
Amy: As I said, compromises. Well, I'll leave you all alone for right now, I think I'll go in to the light booth and work on the stage lighting.
Alaina: Do any of you know where Adam is? I can't find him!
Conner: Why do you need him? Ooh! Does someone have a... A crush?
Alaina: No, I just wanted to-
Conner: To know what hes doing? ALL the time?
Alaina: No! I-
Conner: Just like you all do with Jared?
Jared: Me?
Alaina: No! It isn-
Conner: Yes it is!
Skyler: Hey! Let her talk!
Conner: Why should I?
Skyler: Because she's a lady. LADIES. First.
Christian: Woo, vicious Skyler!
Skyler: I can be vicious. But I am vicious-ly standing up for my friend.
Christian: (Begins to clap) Woo! Woo-hoo! Skyler, you get the award for the cheesiest sentence of the day!
Alaina: Christian-
Christian: I know, you are VICIOUSLY standing up for your friend.
Alaina: I was just saying, please don't talk to her like that!
Christian: Ok.
Skyler: Good.
Christian: Great!
Skyler: Awesome!
Christian: Amazing.
Skyler: Perfect!
Christian: I have to go.
(Blackout)
(ALL kids are doing a very practiced dance routine)
Kim: Perfect!
Heather: Um, Mrs. Kim?
Kim: Heather?
Heather: Can we get some water?
Kim: Yes, take five everybody.
Conner: Christian?
Christian: Yep?
Conner: Come here a minute!
Christian: What is it?
Conner: What can I do to make a girl like me?
Christian: Shouldn't you be asking Jared this, not me?
Conner: I tried, it didnt work.
Christian: Heck, I don't know! Do you think that I get any girls? No, dude, I dont get more than you do.
You have your girlfriend! Besides, do you think I have any girls? No!
Christian: Yeah, yeah. You flirt with everything. EVERYWHERE. All the time!!
Conner: Jared was lying. I didn't flirt with the paper cup.
Christian: Oh, yeah, saying that a paper cup is "Looking nice" isn't flirting. If that isn't flirting, I don't know what is.
Conner: That wasn't what I did! I just didn't want to tell Lydia straight to her face so I PRETENDED to be flirting with the paper cup.
Christian: Oh! So someone likes Lydia! Finally she won't be crazy about Jared anymore!
Conner: Wait.... What?
Christian: Jared and Lydia aren't dating anymore because... His mom doesn't Like her.
Conner:.... really?
Christian: Really. So crap just got serious right?
Conner: Right! I mean, what's up with parents these days?
Christian: Conner, you know you're happy about it.
Conner: Yeah, a little bit.
(BLACKOUT)
(In Lydia's bedroom flat)
(Lydia lay crying on the bed.)
Sadie: Lyd? Are you alright?
Lydia: Oh, uh, (Wiping away tears) hey, Sadie. Yeah, I'm fine.
Sadie: Hey, listen. I'm really sorry about Jared, and sorry to have to break this big news to you, but, there are other guys. Not just at the theatre, but at school, at church, and everywhere else you could possibly go.
Lydia: (Begins to wail and cry again) I can't find one at school.
Sadie: Why not?
Lydia: I'm- I'm- HOME-SCHOOLED!
Sadie: Oh... But truthfully, Lydia, you don't need a boyfriend.
Lydia: (crying calms down a bit) But... I just... Jared, Sadie... You don't understand. Me and Jared were almost there. Almost to the point of being together, a team. But my dreams were crushed. And honestly, I think his were, too.
Sadie: Well... Lydia, I just want you to know, that Jared has... Moved on.
Lydia: WHAT?
Sadie: His girlfriend is a nice girl who his mom likes, someone who isn't rebellious.
Lydia: Ugh, I bet it's Devin.
Sadie: Um, nope! It's... Me.
Lydia: (Lydia begins to wail again) SADIE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
Sadie: Lydia, I'm sorry! It happened so quickly I didn't know what to do about it!
Lydia: (Continues to wail) You could've stopped it!!
Sadie: No, I couldn't, Lydia. No, I couldn't.
Lydia: I just... I'm sorry, Sadie. I just... I didn't know that he would move on that quickly. I thought our feeling towards each other were mutual. But, I guess not.
Sadie: Lydia... Please don't stop being my friend over this. I didn't know what to say when he... Asked me out. So, I said yes. Which was obviously the wrong choice. I'm sorry, Lydia, I know you have mixed feelings about this whole situation.
Lydia: Yeah, I do. But I wouldn't stop being your friend. Not ever.
(Lydia and Sadie hug.)
Sadie: Neither would I.
(BLACKOUT)
Conner: Hey Lydia! Um, can you come here for a minute?
Lydia: Yeah. What do you want?
Conner: Will you go ou-
Lydia: No.
Conner: Ok.
(Lydia walks away)
Christian: Did it work?
Conner: No. Of course not. She still isn't over that stupid Jared guy. I mean what's so great about him?
Christian: No one knows except girls.
Conner: I dont understand girls.
(Conner and Christian sing GIRLS)
Jared: Hey, guys, I need some girl advice.
Conner: No, you don't.
Jared: Yeah, I do. What can I do to get a girl to break up with me?
Conner: Ok, be exactly like me.
Christian: Dont wear deodorant, and take a shower only once a week!
Conner: (Gives Christian angry glare) I do wear deodorant, and I take a shower more frequently than once a week.
Jared: I know. Ignore the dumbbell, keep going.
Christian: Sorry, to interrupt your conversation, but did you just call me dumb, and a bell?
Jared: Yes, and I called you a dumbbell. Conner, go ahead.

-To be continued-