stenataar
Update for Opuss on App store- to help with connection issues. Fingers crossed &!
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I started using Opuss a few weeks ago. It seemed like fun; something to do. A chance to share ideas and thoughts with folk that otherwise I would ignore in the street. But the errors and the waiting, the server that couldn't cope, wore m…
I've drawn a line in the sand with a stick, This rhyme will be structured and purposefully quick. This line is truncated So with this one it is mated, And I've called the whole thing limerick.
I'm pink, Therefore I'm Spam!
.....a meerkat standing on one leg watching a Turkish belly dancer singing "Happy Birthday" to a whelk. Or is that just me?
Difficult I can do today. The impossible may take a little longer!
Overpaid people pretending to know what they are doing!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give him a rod and he will bore you for weeks!
"Reality" is like a computer simulation game but a little more realistic and with real trophies.
A poem should rhyme, Or should it not? The ones that don't Are not easily got. If it has rhythm, It is easy to say. It rattles along in a most pleasing way. It's time to be bold And stamp down our foot. All poems should rhyme To keep …
May the 4th be with you!
A study in the BMJ has concluded that washing hands reduces the spread of infection. They needed a study........?
If the Chinese start eating Weetabix for breakfast then god help us! Let's hope they don't try eating three!
Words you prefer to hear in church rather than a Mexican gaol!
It's raining cats and dogs today. I just got out of my car and stepped into a poodle!
In the UK we would refer to this US indie pop group as "fun full stop"! Or more likely just "fun." In the US they are called "fun period". Now tell me ladies how many times have you had one of them?
Respect me for what I have tried to do, not for what I have failed to do.
Listen to you; you're such a deipnosophist!
Why is that such a long word?
A Proof Reader is required to check that speling is correct and that no words missed out. Please apply to .........
You know where to apply.
Your mother is so working class she drinks her tea from a mug!
In southern England we have an official drought with hosepipe ban. We also have several flood warnings in place! Only in England!!
Your mother is so overweight that she needs a Sat Nav to locate her bottom!
Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting Sheep Interrupting She.........? Baaaaa
"I want ewe to want me"
Why can't they just share the hedge?
A sheep goes into a baa. The Baaman asks "what are ewe doing in here?" The sheep says " Please insert appropriate punch line into comments.
"u k?" "k u?" "k x" "x" "<3" "<3 :D x" ":D x"
Relationships are all about give and take. He does all the giving and she does all the taking!
My attention span is so short that I never ....
Keep Calm and Opuss
Giving up on Opuss tonight! Every time I try to like something or make a comment I get an error message. Needs to be sorted out or I think we may drift apart (sigh).
Follow me for daily fun! The free beer is a lie....
Predictive text can cause all sorts of potatoes. The number of times I have been trying a stork and have ended up with complete and udder gibberish.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping tablet and a laxative on the same night!
"If you can't beat them, join them" Or, better yet "beat them", as they will be expecting you to "join them" and now you have the element of surprise!
Me: What are you doing this weekend? Mum: Me and your Dad are going on a naturist trip with your Aunty Beryl and her new bloke. Me: A naturist trip? (slight panic). Where's that then? Mum: To West Midlands Safari Park... Me: Oh! (sudden rel…
When I fill in an online form which asks for "country", I am often forced to put "United Kingdom". But the UK isn't a country! It is a union of 4 countries! The country I live in is England!
St George was a Christian in the Roman army at a time when it wasn't really very fashionable. He was therefore tortured in order to make him renounce his faith. However, he refused to renounce his god and actually survived. The dragon he de…
He was born in Turkey; his mother was Palestinian. He's so multicultural we have to share him with Lithuania, Portugal, Germany, Greece, Georgia, Moscow, Istanbul, Beirut - and Palestine itself. If he ever came to England, it wasn't for lon…
Happy St. George's Day! But how am I supposed to celebrate/recognise it? The national flag or any celebration of Englishness seems to have been hijacked by the far right :(
Why is Nicki Minaj rapping about a garden implement of limited intelligence?
Sorry people but I think I may be homerphobic. Although, Marge, Bart, Lisa & Maggie don't bother me so much! D'oh!
.....wule OK!
.....for Atheists
Did you know that "Banging you head against a brick wall" burns up to 180 calories per hour?
What's the difference between a Banker and a Catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Well yes and no....
Me: got 94% in exam! Mum: wtf well done Me: do you know what wtf means? Mum: with true feeling?!? Bless!
Post deletey....
...is a friend worth avoiding!
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Did you know that 'Gullible me' is a perfect anagram of 'blonde girl'
A dyslexic man walks into a bra....
Roses are black, Violets are black, I am a dog, And cannot see colour.
Men only think of two things: sex and food. If you are not having sex right now you had better go out and make him a sandwich pretty quick!
If you feel that you are doing all the chasing and he never tells you that he loves you, take it that he doesn't and move on with your life. -Stenataar 2012
Angels come in many different guises. -Stenataar 2012
I was on the phone the other day to my local sewage company. They were full of shit and the person I was talking to was definitely taking the piss.
Keep Porn off Opuss. And all those other chess pieces!
My daughter is 17 today and starts DRIVING ON THE ROADS! If you live in the Midlands area be extra vigilant today!
Why do people ask rhetorical questions?
I can sum up the problem with today's education in one simple sentence: first off, teacher's dont spend enough time making sure that there students punctuation is correct and secondly that they're spelling is write and then the forth probl…
No posts today - too busy at work! Apart from this one of course!
Some of my posts are so random I am not sure I fully appreciate them!
34.6% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Neanderthal = Human 0.1 Beta Homo Erectus = Human 1.0 Modern Man = Human 1.0.1 Boris Johnson = Human 0.0.1 Apha
"Failure is not an option" It's already installed with Windows 8
1. Water droplets suspended in the atmosphere 2. Second son of Charles & Diana 3. Swollen veins in anus
To steal ideas from someone is theft, but to steal from many is research.
If at first you don't succeed... ...join the North Korean Space Agency!
The last thing I want to do is hurt the feelings of others on Opuss. However, it's still on the list!
I went to church and prayed to God to give me a new car. The priest was surprised to see me there as I am not a regular church goer. When I told him why I was there he said that God didn't work that way, and that I should be praying for for…
What is black and white and red all over? Choose a number between 1 and 3 and then go to next page where your bespoke answer awaits! ------> --------> Swipe to next page--> If you chose one then: "A Newspaper" If you chose two then: …
Three things to do before you die: 1. Be born 2. Stay alive 3. Pass on your genes
11 things to remember in binary: 1. Binary is Base 2 10. Only 0s and 1s are used 11. 0=off and 1=on
There are three things that really annoy me: 1. People who drop litter 2. Being kept in suspense 3. And ......
1. Saddam Hussein 2. Muammar Gaddafi 3. Bashar al-Assad
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." There seems to be a lot of flattery going on at the moment within Opuss!
It's OK to make mistakes; that's how we learn. What's really annoying is people who keep making the same mistake over and over again! You know who you is.....
It's good to keep things tidy. Each day I go through my old Opuss posts and the ones that I feel are weak or have few "likes" get deleted. I guess this one won't last long....
What's the difference between a bank and a prison? One is full of liars and cheats and the other is full of prisoners.
I like read all things bean riten on Opuss an find it sooooo funny at how sum of dem are riten. I now sum are cuz they is not English but sum I fink is just lazy or not very clever init!
If.. "the world is your oyster".. ..then you are the "Pearl" -Stenataar 2012
A little disappointed to find out that my Shepherd's pie is a lie. Apparently it just has lamb in it!
Everyone thinks "Outside The Box" these days. Why not be different and think "Inside The Box"?
It's Friday 13th today. I hope nothing bad....... Hello, who is that? Is that you Jason? What are you doing? No! Arrrgggghhhhh..............
The only people who say "it's the taking part that counts" are the people who didn't win!
Don't you just hate it when companies put all sorts of ridiculous things in their Terms & Conditions! Most of the time none of us read them as they are far too long and in some foreign language called "Legal Speak". However, sometimes we…
So what is the plural of Opuss?
Life can often be poo! At times you're the pigeon, But mostly the statue!
I went to the doctors the other day and said that I felt feeling unwell. He said that I was obviously "two tense".
Now I find that kind of attractive.....
Don't you just hate it when your ass just falls off..... - mikka1999
I used to think I had schizophrenia, but now I'm in two minds...
While the search for artificial intelligence continues, natural stupidity still rules.
"There are plenty of fish in the sea" But who wants to marry a fish?
Our country needs Lerts...
"A lack of inspiration" Is that the same as holding your breath?
67% of all statistics are made up. The other 47% are just misleading.
I hate it when people get 'there' and 'their' mixed up. Clearly these people didn't pay enough attention in they're English class
Opuss have had few technical issues leading to a few system glitches. However, we all love Opuss and we should show them how much with a metaphorical group hug. Like this post and add comments for feedback to the great Opuss Team.
If "The sky's the limit" then I guess space travel is a lie!
Oh no! My brain has just switched off and gone blank. Sorry, I meant iPhone.
Some people always think that the glass is half empty. Others prefer to think of the glass as half full. I tend to think "Why have I only got a glass? Where is the jug? Come on, who's got the jug and what do I need to do to get one that's…
Why do we talk about using "common sense"? In my experience it is not very "common" at all!
First you have Twitter with short tweets based around a bird theme. Now we have Opuss which allows much longer posts and is based around a cat theme. Clearly we are moving up the food chain here! The next big thing will be a social netwo…
A great motivational slogan from one of the great companies of our time. Now where did I leave my gun......?
Since the hosepipe ban it has rained every day. It has clearly worked. I just wish they would bring in a sun-bed ban!
A parrot with no teeth!
This great film is being shown again at our local cinema. I may go and see it as I never went the first time around. I wonder how it ends......?
Where would we be without Sat Nav?
Just trying to find my feet here.... Oh, there they are, end of my legs!
When my children were small I used to tell them that the ice cream van used to play its tune when it had run out of ice cream. One day when we were at the park my daughter tugged at my arm and said to me smiling "look Daddy, all those sill…
If you see a UFO and say "Look, it's a flying saucer!", does that mean it's no longer a UFO?
I love Easter. This is the time of year when we celebrate the arrival of the Easter Bunny who descends from Camalot in a carriage made of chocolate, bearing eggs and toasted tea cakes to give to the children. Hopefully the rich historic…
Everyone should take the time to check out their roots. I hate to see the grey where the hair is parted.
"There's no 'I' in team" How does this work if you are at Apple?
"Failure isn't an option". "Well switch it off and back on again, then go to 'start', 'settings' and then 'options', is it there now?"
It's good to read between the lines sometimes.... ..Just watch out for the oncoming train!
If infinity is the biggest possible number, the furthest possible place, the absolute maximum; where is it actually that Buzz Lightyear is planning to go?
I went to my doctor the other day with a bad back. He prodded and poked and said I had Mechanical Back Ache and that pain killers and time would sort it out. Obviously he didn't actually prescribe any decent pain killers as that would have …
If at first you don't succeed... ...cheat!
There was an old man from Torbay, Who's hair was coloured like hay. It was thick and quite scratchy, And on top a bit patchy, Where a horse had eaten lunch one day.
The difference between playground bullies and high street banks is that one of them will steal all your money and the other one is only a child......
Failure isn't when you fall down, it's when you don't get up again.