The Last Morning Text

Good morning lovely marek who isn't mine anymore if u ever were mine. Idk. I never asked.
It's that jerk victoria. the one that u met up with on sunday that was stupidly shy then told u that she couldn't talk to u anymore the next day.
I hate that I'm texting u after I said I couldn't talk to u anymore...I feel even more like a jerk...I'm sorry tho I just wanted to ask u something
U already know that I wanted to be with u..remember when I called u up rashly that one time when u were working out? after meeting u marek I really wanted to be with u. Youre cute and funny and sweet...and I wanted to ask u at some point if u felt the same way. If u were ever planning to date me. Or if u were just stringing me along.
Sometimes I wasn't so sure what your intentions were.

I suppose I seem like a hypocrite for asking if u ever planned on actually dating me cuz u can perceive my actions as having led u on. I suppose theres no pt in u answering my question since i said i cant talk to u. why bother knowing right?
But marek I did want to date u and I still really do. I had every intention if dating u if u wanted to date me. but with my parents I don't think it would work out. Even if we never dated and stayed friends or whatever the hell we were...like idk. I feel sad tho that I concluded that I can't talk to u anymore because of my parents. Yeah I was neglecting to deal with how they would feel about me being crazy for a 19 year old guy but I never talked to them about it...i assumed how they would feel. i assumed that they would never accept it. when I met u sunday the whole thing with u became more real..like how much i like u...and it freaked me out cuz I don't know how to make my parents ok with it.

I don't want to stop talking to u marek. I would rather figure something out with u but I guess u would feel theres no point to continue talking...u dont need to deal with this bs youre older. Talking or dating or whatever with an older girl is easier. Maybe u meant more to me than I to u. It's ok tho I'm used to this happening. I'm kinda intense and a hopeful romantic at heart.
I feel like i screwed up without giving anything a chance tho. I let my fears dictate my life too much. U already know that.
And I did delete your number because when I'm sad I tend to get rid of things. But for some reason your number is still in my phone...under your name. i have no idea how this happened. I'd like to think its a sign but u don't believe in signs

But anyway...I felt bad not wishing u good luck with your life. I hope u figure out what u wanna do with your life marek. I mean...u def will figure it out one day. Youre smart. Good luck cutie <3
And that is a genuine heart. I don't throw hearts around without meaning them. Or endearments. Or anything. Again, I'm intense. If I like u, I really like you. And I really like u marek. But...idk what to do about it. I want to do something about it. It's so frustrating.
Lastly, I would like you to reply back. Even if its fuck off Victoria. I just want to know that u read all this bullshit. I'm sorry my love I'm probably confusing you. But I'm confused too.
And I didn't meant to send you so many long texts :/

2/12/13

«Laying all my cards on the table has never worked out for me.»