Blow Banana.

@Icuminpeace

Fake It

A woman can fake an orgasm to get a marriage, A man can fake a marriage to get an orgasm -unknown.

@AWriterGirl

Couldn't Help Laughing

...I have 69 followers, high five if you understand the reference.

@banishthem

Things People Will Never Say

Wow. I'm really glad we had that political debate on Facebook. Everything went really well and a major issue was finally resolved..

@albisher

Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur. Answer: Mega-sore-ass..

@Andy_Hayhurst

This Is Crazy

Last night I said to a girl, "Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number so call me maybe?". To which she replied "Twat!"..

@ceaz

Saran Wrap

A guy walks into a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but Saran wrap. Doctor takes one look a him and tells him- " I can clearly see you're nuts)..

@Lushee

On Airport Pickup Duties

"My flight lands at nine-thirty on Sunday .... You want to watch what. What the fuck is mad men . I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up.".

@AEngland

Unfortunate.

Accidentally missed out the "R" whilst googling "Gary Oldman" today, worst experience of my life..