Looking For Better

I told myself that nothing you would do from now on would hurt me. I was sadly mistaken. I stayed by your side like a shadow. Though I was never yours and you were never mine, we sure made others think it was that way. Contrary to what people believe we were simply friends nothing more nothing less. How sad.. I never even kissed you. We barely even hugged, but I always missed you. I loved you so much. I would do anything to be your everything, but I meant nothing. You kept me along for the ride because you were as lonely as I. Every time I tried to leave, you would reel me back in with sweet, hopeful, deceptive words. I was so naive. You treated my heart as a toy. You were no man just a boy. I couldn't see past your disguise and all the lies. But every time I looked into your eyes I swear there was something there for me. Why couldn't you love me the way I loved you? I still remember when I asked. Do you remember what you said? I still do. They are forever seared into my heart. "Bianca you're not good enough for me.." I cried and you wouldn't even comfort me. All you did was say sorry and left. I cried for three days straight. I'm so pathetic I know. I forgave you though. I tried to distance my self yet I couldn't. Truth be told I wouldn't let myself. Until the other day I thought I was through with you but you gave me the news. "I'm gonna marry her, she deserves it.." So what do i deserve? I put a smile on my face and said I couldn't be happier, but you knew the truth as well as I. "I'm sorry things didn't turn out they way you wanted. Move on Bee get over me.." I thought I had I really did. I guess this is what I deserve. It's crazy so much has happened these past few years.. He's going to propose and I'm still.. Alone. I wonder if he'll miss me when I leave. Will he have second thoughts? Will he beg me to reconsider and stay with him? Why am I kidding myself. I think I deserve better, so "better" please stop hiding from me. I'd really appreciate it.