"Mom I swear I heard something last night and plus I done feel safe after the alarm broke somehow" Cried out seán."You have all ways had vivid imagination , it was probably just the dish washer or washing machine".Seán didn't listen he left the room when his mother said probably.After that he didn't feel like eating and to bed even though it was half past eight .He woke up in a hump and went down stairs to eat breakfast .While he was eating he something outside .It was probably just a small rock but that didn't stop.He went outside to check .It was his phone! .The phone was wet and broken the sim card was gone.He didn't bother telling his mum because she said that if he ever brings it outside and louse's or breaks it she would kill him (not literally ).He went upstairs to get ready for school when suddenly his mother was at the top of the stairs glaring at him.She was wearing a robe and had a shower cape on and was dripping head to toe."What where you doing outside" "I-I-I was watering the plants outside"Seán O'conner outside watering plants!! That's not the seán I know" laughed mom.He ran it to his room and got dressed.He went down stairs got his school bag and opened the door There he saw his best friend Jamie .They have known each other since play school.Nothing much happen in school other then getting an F in his maths test .He came home and his mother was in the living room having a smoke watching emmerdale he got some money from his mother 's purse and walked to the pizzeria that would be his dinner.He went to bed.At two in the morning the house phone started ringing.He waited thirty seconds for someone to answer the phone but no one did.He got up and went down stairs and answered the phone "hello" said seán in a horse voice "Hello.............Seán " he dropped the phone in panic and ran up stairs and hid under his covers."Something weird is going on!!"cried Seán."Seán it's probably just the wrong the wrong number,now you go and watch t.v I'm going shopping now I'll be back in about an hour"His mom left and he sat down and watched t.v he heard something at the back door he's heart was pounding out of he's chest he went to look "Thank god!"said Seán. Suddenly he heard a gun shot .He ran in to the living room the window was broken he looked behind him he saw two men wearing black all over .They chased him in to the hall way but they were to fast they got him."I'm back seán come one here and help me put the food "She a piece of paper on the ground .The words were cut out from newspaper and magazines all different colour and size it read "We hAVe YoUR SoN DoWn wOrrY aND dO Not caLL tHe POlICe oR We wiLL kIlL HIm gIve Us €500,000 MEet Us At tHE locK SMIths oN MoNdaY At 12:00Am" She quickly took out her phone and called the police" come on come on hello police I'd like to place a kidnapping
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Hi I'm 11 and Please follow me for jokes,poems,story and quotes .(the person in the picture is my little brother)And I also like G.A.A and tennis and sometimes soccer and love reading - Daniel
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Comments & Feedback (21)
Fair enough! I did mean it in a negative way, I'll be honest. I don't believe in bullshitting people. Don't hurry things along, read back on what you've written. Does it flow well? If it doesn't change it. Think of continuity, you mentioned him waking up at 2am then the mum goes shopping and he goes downstairs to watch tv? You need more description, scene setting,not just a list of what happened, which is pretty much what you've given us! However you're very young to be posting your work online, which is great because you have an interest in creative writing, which means you can most definitely improve! :) hope I haven't offended
Right ok, go to this website www.youwriteonline.co.uk - its a forum of professional writers who will be only too happy to help you! They're very kind lol do they'll go easy on you! :)
Thank u soooo much!:).I'm already working on making the story better I'll post when finished @meganelisabeth
Sorry been crazy busy with work, barely have time to be in this :( I promise as soon as I get chance I'll read it!
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