Half-Love

Your half-love has taught me to be
Duplicitous, fake, phoney,
To say I'm ok, all's well, I'm fine,
When really I'm breaking and screaming inside.
But it's better this way, I know
To pretend I love you like I used to
And keep the pain and hate inside,
Because when I try to say
How I really feel,
You turn away, don't want to hear,
Or shout me down, shut me up,
Anything as long as I don't
Ruin your pretend-perfect existence.
You've pushed me to lead a double life,
To find another who might
Love me like you used to and
Listen when I tell the truth,
And fall in love with the real me,
Not just who I pretend to be.
And when all the barriers come crashing down,
Will still want to be around,
Not out of habit or convenience,
But because he couldn't bear to be
Without me.
Maybe if I find the courage, finally,
To leave forever you'll see
That my flaws are what make me,
And yours are what break me;
I embraced them anyway,
But mine were always the cause of
Our troubles, pain,
My cracked soul will never be the same.
But maybe,
I can just be
Loved,
Fully.
Until then I'll throw your 'love' back in your face,
I'll take what pleasure I can,
Even if it's in the arms of another man,
You've pushed me into his heart
With our life; together/apart.
Judge me if you feel so superior,
Just bear mind, remember,
You did this, you broke me
With your empty, hollow, draining,
Half-loving.