theviolator
I went down to see old Slipalong Trevascus the other day and told im that I thought me new bird might be the one for me but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a french maid's outfit and a policewomans uniform and a …
Last Thursday night 3.00am there was a knocking on the door, I went and opened it and there was a drunk who asked me to give him a push, it was pissing down and freezing cold so I told him to piss off and went back to bed . Terri ask…
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardensfuneral, a voice from inside screamsIm not dead, Im not dead. Let me out! The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and muttersToo f**king late p…
Went home last night and my wife suggested I geta penis enlarger. I am meeting a blonde 21 year old nymph tonight.
In 1986 Peter Davis was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from University. On a hike through the bush he came upon a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air, the elephant seemed distressed so Peter approached it very …
Brought a dog from a blacksmith today, took it home, and straight away it made a bolt for the gate........
Two WPC's are out and about on foot patrol with their alsatian.One says "I'm getting a bit cold and i've left my knickers at the station."The other one says "Use the dog, give him a sniff of your bits and he'll fetch them back for you."So s…
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night, when there is a knock at the door.When he answers, a tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him a toothpick and the tramp goes off.A few minutes later there is a second knock at the door.When h…
The interviewer asked him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replied, "Yes, caffeine." The interviewer asked him, "Have you ever worked for the public service before?" He replied, "Yes, I was in the army, I was in Iraq for two tours." The …
Judging by the weather outside, I think the drought is now over Unfortunately I fear the sun has been washed away
You're a 19 year old kid. You're critically wounded and dying in the jungle somewhere in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam .. It's November 11, 1967. LZ (landing zone) X-ray. Your unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense …
One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Biker : "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of f…
EMPLOYEE NOTICE: Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, National has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 55 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and red…
Life is not measured by the breaths we take. but the moments that take our breath away
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.'What's the matter?' asked…
Denzil says to Louie "I'm getting circumsized tomorrow" Louie says "Well I had it done when I was just 2 days old" Denzil said "does it hurt" Louie said "No but I couldn't walk for 18 fcuking months"
It was the school teacher's birthday and all the children had bought a present.The florest's son bought a bunch of flowers, the grocer's daughter bought a basket of fruit, the baker's daughter bought a cake, then the wine shop owner's son w…
A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret …
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled o…
Two brooms hanging in a cupboard and were having a chat and decided to get married They arrived at the church the bridebroom looking gorgeous in a long flowing bridebroom's dress and the groombroom in his DJ looking like a good un , th…
In my next life i want to live it backwards.You start out dead and get that out the way.Then you wake up in an old peoples home feeling better every day.You get kicked out for being too healthy.Go collect your pension, and then when you sta…
Last night we did 164 covers Two chefs Two waitress Not on!!!!!
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy , went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman f…
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!
A blonde drops off her black dress at the cleaners.On the way out the door the assistant says "Thank you come again"The blonde says "No it's toothpaste this time you nosey bitch"
A young lad went to his father and asked the difference between Theoretically and RealisticallyThe father thought and said "Well son go and ask your mother if she would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid" The boy soon came back "Dad…
And on the 8th day God invented an orgasm So a woman could moan even though she is happy
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965 ..... Symptoms: 1.. Causes you to send th…
WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER !!"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's, and 60's First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry wh…
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me?I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am"…
Just finished my shift at 1400 today, went down the cellar to get changed, came back up and was told the we have a visit from Environmental Health. To cut a long story short an ex employee had got in touch with EH and tried to stitch us up.…
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEOR…
Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, yo…
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees. One even…
Women; Three weeks before; Book hair, nail, eyebrow appointmentBuy hair colourSearch e-bay for new outfitLook at your womanly physique in the mirror... decide thatyou need to lose a stone in 3 weeks, so make mental note todo workout, sit-up…
I was travelling home at 2.00am when I was stopped by the police, he asked where I was going so I explained I was on the way to a lecture on alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, "Oh yes he said and who is giving a lecture…
>Why I am Divorced?>>Last week wasmy birthday>>I went downstairs for breakfast>hoping my husband would bepleasant and say,>'Happy Birthday!',>and possibly have a small present forme.>>As it turned out,>he barely said good morning,>let alone…
My brother is in his 40s (somewhere) He was married, giving his wife money to pay all the bills..........so he thought. He divorced her, found a reprocessed house that he is in the middle of doing up He has two sons that come around on the …
The wife asked me what i was doing on the computer, I said "looking for cheap flights", and she got all excited, Which is odd, as i never knew she had an interest in darts
A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS hospital and this conversation follows: 'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorate…
A group of girlfriends, all age 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there were handsome, with tight trousers and nice bottoms. Ten year…
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of m…
Words of kindness Words of hate Any of these words will seal our fate This little thing popped into my head after reading "The Power Of Words" by sjw
A happy ending is a story that's not yet finished
Next year is the 110th Anniversary of Harley Davidson And one place it's being celebrated is in Rome, in June. AND I'M GOING Happy days Woody and I talked it over last night, as she has a girlie holiday already sorted wi…
If once in every life time Comes a girl like you Then Reincarnation is not working for me
I think Grandad has been at my box of chocolates again All the soft centres have gone And the hard centred ones have had the chocolate sucked off
Well all the holidays cloths are washed, dried and ironed The only thing I can't seem to dry is my passport , I left it in my denim jacket and it got a good washing. It was a brand new one too, about three weeks old, and to replace it its…
Lets enjoy life and don't live a complicated life. Life is too short. Work as if it was your first day. Forgive as soon as possible. Love without boundaries. Laugh without control and never stop smiling
It's good to see more authors pictures now Come on the rest of you, you can't be that ugly ?? Or can you.……lol
Essex girl & boy are playing hide & seek,girl sends boy a text. "If you find me, you can make love to me…………If you can't, I'm in the shed"!
Spent an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
I think my girlfriend has Photo Sensitive Epilepsy. Just shown her a photo of me shagging her sister and she had a f#cking fit.
Portugal was great sun sun sun and loads of bikes I see I have a lot of catching up to do with what's going on here and with people's posts One thing I have noticed loads of picture changes ??
I'm off for a few days guys Promise me Opuss will still be here when I get back Play nicely guys
Today is a new day So let's get cracking On the poetry highway And on stories we are lacking Let's move forward and quickly Leave the past behind us all
Paul, Dave & Steve were sitting around a camp fire, discussing who was the hardest.Paul said, "I killed a bear with my bare hands".Dave boasted, "I wrestled 2 adult crocs, gouged out their eyes and killed them both".Steve remained silent!!,…
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning, ''Windows frozen." Husband texts back, "Pour some luke warm water over it.'' Wife texts back, "Computer completely fucked now!"
Just been offered 8 legs of venison for forty quid. Just wondering. Is that too Deer.
The hangman's noose is very loose The poor wretched man is kept hanging around Waiting for his neck to snap People all around feel deprived, they didn't the sound they were hoping for Now they have watch him choke to die Was his crime tha…
Here it comes, the rain Beating on the window pane Why are our summers like this It really is taking the piss I brought a bike so I could ride In a seat made of cowhide To feel the sun and wind upon my face Riding the highways, but n…
50 bikes turned up to escort Cryste, who was in a coffin done in H-D colours, which was in a hurst being pulled by a trike. Awesome. The service was a chilled out affair, no hymns or prayers, laughter, clapping and cheering was the order …
Bike is shiny Boots are clean Flowers are sorted Black ribbon fluttering in the wind Off to say goodbye to a friend
In Asda shopping with the wife yesterday when she called me a "bone idle f#cking lazy sod",..... I was so shocked I nearly fell out of the trolley.
When i was 14 my dad caught me smoking. He made me smoke the whole pack. Wish he'd caught me making love to a girl guide.
Phone rings........woman answers.................. pervert breathes heavily. "Have you got a tight unshaven twat?" Woman replies "Yes... he's watching the TV, who shall I say is calling?"....!
Paddy comes Home from work to find his wife propping up her washing machine on one side with 2 bricks "What the Fuck are you doing asks?paddy! His wife replies "Doing the washing at 30 degrees you thick sod
Renault & Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for Women. Mixing the 'Clio' & the 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in Pink, the average male car thief won't be able to find it let alone turn it on, ev…
On holiday in Thailand, I had a close call and almost ended up sleeping with a Ladyboy. She looked like a woman, spoke like a woman, and I didn't suspect a thing. But I realised something was wrong when she drove us safely back to the hotel…
Impossibility in the world 1. You can't count your hair. :O 2. You can't wash your eyes with soap. :O 3. you can't breathe when your tongue is out :O ........... put your tongue back in u daft sod
Bloke goes into a bar and nails a quadruple whiskey in one. Barman says 'What's up?' Bloke says 'I came home from work early to find my wife sucking off my best friend.' 'What did you do?' asks the barman. 'I told her to pack her things and…
Off to Portugal this weekend Cascais to be precise, and it's sodding raining there. At least the rain will be warm lol
Front Come to Opuss and write a while Back Nobody cares in what style
The birds are outside singing, singing my song Staying in my bed is where I belong Today is the start to my weekend off Chillin is all I'm thinking of Todays, last minute shopping for our Portugal trip Tomorrow I have a funeral, where I'…
I'll do anything for love But I won't do that. What was Meatloaf referring too ??
There's a hole in my bucket Fuck it
Humpty Dumpty hasn't got a clue Sat on a wall to have a poo Lent forward to wipe his arse Fell off the wall, and made us all laugh There he laid in a thousand bits Putting him back together would be a neat trick But the kings horses an…
The best album from fleetwood Mac Everybody should have this album in their collection ?? It's my most favourite album This album was released in 1977. I know most of you were babes at the time, or you parents were thinking about it, nod …
Death has no hidden agenda or timetable so to speak The second of my funeral's is on Friday of this week I should be there really, to help and support a mate. His mother went and died on him, it's all down to fate A weekend in Portugal …
I didn't know you well No one is to blame We spoke so few words But words were never needed We shared the open road together Clocking up miles and smiles I'll be there for you on Tuesday Riding as escort to the church Paying my respects…
Why is it, as we get older we tend to go to fewer Weddings, but go to more funerals ?? I went to a wedding two weeks ago And I have two funerals to go to next week Bummer
I was on kik but now I'm gone Wasn't anything that you did, that was wrong I just felt I didn't belong
Front Jokers, story tellers and poets, lend me your eyes. Back Come and join Opuss and you'll be surprised
One Monday morning the postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by David, the home…
Drugs Test (This was written by British Soldier) What he says makes a lot of sense!) I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to earn that pay, I train for war and eventually deplo…
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liqu…
Front Come to Opuss and spread the word Back You may even make a friend or two, it's not unheard
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavo…
Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body, which is evan more useful when erect. PNESI People who wrote SPINE became doctors.....The rest are all my friends........
So glad I painted my garden fence. It looks lovely in all this rain
After all these years, I've managed to reach the grand old age of………56 today
My favourite rank 69 with 2 watching
I have both an iPhone and iPod touch. I shall have music where ever I go. I mostly keep the iPod on the bike, and last night I brought it into the house, plugged into the computer to charge it up and to back it up to iCloud ect. As I was…
For @CodsPollocks I ran out of fuel once In my youth, my first bike was a Honda 175CD a nice red bike. One night I had an attack of the munchies, so of I set to the nearest Fish & Chip shop, which was about ten minutes away. It was rai…
So are you making the most out of the your bank holiday weekend off ?? I worked Saturday and Sunday. Once I've posted this, I'm off to paint the garden fence (again) second coat. Then later on a family get together. And tomorrow, weather…
I've only been gone a short while, and there are so many F N Gs on here already F N Gs Fcuking New Guys Awesome Opuss reaches out
Sorry I've been AWOL for a while. This due to headaches sore/tired eyes and boarder-lining on the edge of a migraine. I have missed Opuss ?? I'm drawn to it like a moth to the light, but the light is doing me no good either. For me a mi…
Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this.. The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.The fifth wo…
Deleted many of my posts that had no likes or comments, 12 in total Unfollowed many authors that have not posted anything for awhile, 21 in total
Welcome to Poetic justice day Where everybody can have their say About a t#at Called @Jatt
The cat, That can no longer hide in his hat Enjoy the litter tray, As there is some incoming coming your way
The only thing that's Is ugly in this world are your thoughts
Woody and I went shopping today, buying stuff for our holiday. We bought a large joint suitcase, which Woody manage to fill with her new cloths lol We took some time out, and sat in Stsrbucks for a wee while, and I sat there staring out …
Harley Davidson brought this new slogan about two years ago, as the global economic melt down was taking hold. It's now the slogan I try and live by. Sod what's going on around me!!! Get out on the bike and ride. It's my destresser fro…
A reply to Toulbox post Our Sgt Major was so full of vim Till someone threw a tomato at him Tomatoes are fine when wrapped in a skin But this here tomato was wrapped in a tin Sing hi sing low wherever we go I'm an ACC chef an I neve…
Well I made it to the dizzy hight's of 58 but now find myself down to 84, which is fine. I'm no poet and I know it All I can offer is life's little bits and the odd copy 'n'pasted joke. The people above me are where they are meant to b…
Pulling up two tub chairs together and massaging each others feet at the same time
Is Opuss on the turn ?? With all the love that's going on Love of words and love of people When I die I want to be buried here
Thankyou @Fly10 My Family tree Great Grandfather Died last day at the battle of the Somme Grandfather Ran a hotel for many years, only later on i found out it was brothel he was running. He was in prison the day my parents were married…
Sorry in advance @redfae God invented sun, to keep the ginger people indoors.
I hate the summer, each year I end up with neck ache, I can never suss it out. It's nothing that I do, just cos the girls start to dress a bit strangely ?? Tops come down and skirts go up, I mean what's a poor lad supposed to do. It wou…
Yesterday Woody and I went and brought some paint for the fence, as it needs doing badly. We just moved in. "I might start that tomorrow while you at work" says Woody. I texted Woody about lunch time today and asked about the fence, "I ha…
Would you want to sleep for 50-60 years, to be woken up and and find that everybody that you have ever loved is gone ??
Nothing lasts forever Only death
When sleep won't take me, I come here. Opuss takes me everywhere.
I lost three hours In here this morning Time well spent
Is it just me ?? Or does anybody else suffer from "Fat Thumb syndrome"
When you comment on a post, how about adding a song title to it too. A song that you think might go with the poem ??
Have you done yours yet ?
It takes balls to be a father
I love music And over the last couple of years I have been putting together a list of music that I want played at my funeral ?? The list is still quite long ? I've tried to reduce the list on a number of occasions but it's a hopeless ta…
Everybody dies Not everybody lives I heard this in a song today, and these two lines have been in my head all day
Fakers or pisstakers That is the question
Today is somebody else's big day I must make sure I have my shit together, do all that's required of me and do it right Look after Woody and have some fun once I've done my bit and I can relax So looking forward to this wedding today N…
Riders on the storm Riders on the storm Into this house we're born Into this world we're thrown Like a dog without a bone An actor out alone Riders on the storm There's a killer on the road His brain is squirmin' like a toad Take a l…
A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother: Dear Grandmother, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love,Mike
The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's d…
One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers Found this in a Newspaper
A Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle laboured 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the …
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occu…
What does <3 mean ?? I have seen this sign quite a few times on Opuss posts
Just thinking aloud here, but !! Opuss is growing ?? And I have problems keeping up with all the posts ?? the more Opuss grows more the posts pile up ? Would there be a need for three Opuss in the future ?? 1. Jokes 2. Story's 3. Poems…
While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time, then said, "Just cut it into…
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same s…
TRUE STORY: A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms. Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease…
WE BELIEVE IN GOING OUR OWN WAY NO MATTER WHICH WAY THE REST OF THE WORLD IS GOING WE BELIEVE IN BUCKING THE SYSTEM THATS BUILT TO SMASH INDIVIDUALS LIKE BUGS ON A WINDSHIELD SOME OF US BELIEVE IN THE MAN UPSTAIRSALL OF US BELIEVE IN STIC…
I need to move kik app closer to the Opuss app on my phone. Today Far too much thumbling going on
WE spent six hours in town today, Woody and I, Looking for something for Woody to wear to the wedding this Saturday. End result, Woody has decided to wear her Harley stuff ?? Which she has loads of in the house here. Woody is not taking p…
Which is your choice of poison or pleasure ??
Out shopping with Woody today, and I spotted, "Memory Foam Bras" Whats the point in them ??
I love the bike I love the lifestyle I have the bike But cannot afford the lifestyle Another case of champagne lifestyle on beer wages
Your life is not a dry run, or a practice. Live life hard and fast, there are no second chances. Live for today and everyday, and live it well, cos one day it will all be gone. Your regrets you can sort out when your dead, as your dead a…
When I posted "I have an Idea" I never knew what sort of response I would get ?? The response was awesome, here are some of the things that got mentioned. Suggestions of charities Finding a printing company Getting in touch with the O…
A mate of mine is getting married next Saturday. He is only 24 bless him. An I'm second best man ( didn't know there was a thing, ( or first bitch lol)) I'm out on the stag do tonight, I haven't been one of these for years !! I don't drin…
Today our sanctuary was violated and we are all at fault, in one way or another. We all come here for different reasons, but we come one and all Please let's not give anybody a negative feed back, after all who are we to judge ??. Construc…
As is the norm in our house, we had left the packing till the very last minute on Friday morning. we were due to start meeting the rest of the guys at the club house at 12.30, ready to leave at 13.00. The bike was looking its best, all shin…
THIS MAY BE A "Little" DIFFICULT FOR ALL WHO ARE OVER 60 ..THOSE YOUNGER THAN THIS WILL HAVE NO HOPE AT ALL. DEMENTIA QUIZ FIRST QUESTION : YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE…
Since coming to this wonderful place and reading all of your poetry, now and again while at work I seem to be able to put three or for lines of something together. And then when I get home it's all gone, not a single line can I remember. …
A kids program who's two main character,s were called, 1. Roger the cabin boy 2. Seaman Stains Could we ever hope to get away with that now ?? And how did they ever get away with it in the first place. Wasn't there a third characte…
I'm away this weekend at my first bike rally of the season. I'll be missing you guys, but I look forward to playing catchup on Monday, so with that in mind, please don't post to much lol
Sometimes when you read a post you see the Authors picture, but there is also a smaller picture of another authors attached to it. What does this mean ??
I thought i pop this onto Opuss, as we all need a little Sunscreen, in our lives from time to time just to remind us ?? Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97. Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen w…
Bucket List...Hit forward and place an x by all theThings you've done, remove the x from the ones you have not, and send it to your friends (including me).Whether you've done this before or not, be a good sport.Do it again! This is your lif…
Went onto my computer to vote, after Seamonster post, "Please Help" and just as i was doing so Opuss froze on me, bugger
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
You can't beat scrambled egg But it helps
Where does one get the little smilie faces from ?? Are they coming in via email posts ??
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the …
Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.' Rod continues slowly sipping his beer then thou…
If blood is thicker than water Then why do we cry over spilt milk
One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Biker : "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of f…
I had a thought this morning. There is a lot of talented people here, and I thought maybe with your writing skills you guys could publish a book and donate the money to a charity ?? There could be a book of jokes, a book of short story's,…
If life is, what you make it, Shouldn't we have done a better job
I'm in awe of all you talented people on here, some of the things I read are mind blowing, in many different ways. I was never a words worth, and not evan the brightest, But I know what I like. I joined Opuss to read stuff, but Opuss is …
Here I sit broken hearted, spent a penny and only farted. You couldn't get away with saying that in Harrods, and with the price of inflation
If live is a bed of Roses ?? Who would want to sleep with all those pricks
If One pushed the unfollow button Who's world would come crashing down
Knighty I tried to post an idea on your getsatisfaction.com, but as i don,t have any other social networking sites i was unable to post my idea, so i'm doing it this way When you get the message "@Hannah mentioned you in a comment" have the…
Our Fathers watched as their friends died and lay injured and gassed in WW I... Our Brothers fought and some did not return from service in the various Forces..... Others died in Ireland and the Falklands.. and now Afganistan Every…
Is Opuss having problems today or is it just me ?? I can't reply to people's posts ect. All I get in a "No Connection, or No Internet" ?? Yet I can still post myself. Strange
Before telling people what's wrong with them Be honest with yourself first
Be careful of whom you trample on as you climb your ladder to success As one day they could be passing you on their way up
If everybody is following everybody else on Opuss Who is leading ??
If man could live forever Would you want the women to do so as well
If Beauty is in the eye of the beholder How do blind people cope
If life has its ups and downs Would any other movement only lead to panic and confuse people
Christmas is good Christmas is gay. What did you get on Christmas day. Girls get a doll, boys get a car. Some get sweets, but they don't go far.
My darling, my sweet, my dove I'm bleeding, I'm dying for your love No more shall I rove, from this solitary cove
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this F…
If beauty is skin deep Why do women spend so much on make up, hiding it
A guy went to the local council for an interview for a job in the office. The interviewer asked him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replied, "Yes, caffeine." The interviewer asked him, "Have you ever worked for the public service before…
Tough times never last, Tough people do.
THE WIFE A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. A man and a woman. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard a…
Her hair was up in a pony tail, Her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, And she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, That she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not unders…
I've never used Facebook, not a great believer in social networking (I know, I'm here now) And I have seen friends upset by comments left by spineless people who don't have the balls/spine to say these things to their faces, please don't l…
I'm new on here, and I have enjoyed reading some/loads of great stuff. You are given the chance to follow people ?? Do I, should I,
If life is like a box of chocolates, How come my box is always empty