My Demon

My demons name is anxiety
A villain that many will know
But where you, dear reader, may tame it
I cower in fear of it so

It keeps me from sleep and from waking
It plunders my memory and smiles
It saps my energy and willing
It clouds and confuses my mind

Its irrational behaviour confounds me
Mercy, please stop, it’s absurd
Embarrassment so often rules me
Before I have uttered a word

And it angers me profoundly
As I know of this demon so well
Yet in spite of this, still it controls me
This compulsion I cannot expel

My defenses are slight and defective
And my only recourse at times
Is to gladden my heart with belongings
The effect of which too soon subsides

There’s a numbness that often surrounds me
My experiences seem but a dream
And then panic denies me a footing
Like I’m drowning in something not seen

The intrinsic sadness resulting
In myself, and my loved ones I’m sure
I’m hoping will one day be banished
And be something I’ll no longer endure

I long to be left to myself, but once left
To be surrounded by family or friends
I long to be able to laugh and converse
With others unknown to me then

Therapy’s been disappointing
My plight seems to be nothing to them
Six months and still zero progress
Seems pointless but I’ll just not give in

So I ask of all those that may know me
Be mindful of the issues inside
Don’t judge my lacking responses
My affliction is crippling at times

Roy Allen
Nov. 2010