Unhappy/ Happy Mood.

Today has been a complete lazy day with my man. Films, cuddles and food!

I really hate people like my family putting my mood down. It makes me think negative. It makes me aggravated with my man when he has done nothing wrong. This isn't normal or fair.
I should learn to take a deep breath, smile and think positive.

My man might be going to a film event tomorrow night.. My insecurities are set sailing high. His "ex" might be there.
I am trying to forget about it but it keeps creeping up at me! It makes my blood boil.. My mind to be unsettled.. I will get angered and say things I don't mean. This will cause him to lie to me and say "no she wasn't there!" When she might of been.

I wish my boyfriend could reassure me more. Lay me down at night, Hold me tight with his strong arms and tell me "I love you. No ex or women will ever replace you."
Does that sound sad? Does that sound slightly crazy? Am I asking for too much?

I know my boyfriend means well. I know I am over protective.. But does that show that I am scared of losing him? I guess my family past and relationship past does not help..
My dad cheated on my mum when I was little with her best friend.. My two ex boyfriends cheated on me with their best girl mate.
Now you as my readers can see why I get frightful..

My boyfriend has a girl best mate called Jenny. She is beautiful and real nice. She has no intention to hurt me as she has been cheated on by her ex. She understands.
I still fear that Jenny and my boyfriend might kiss. They are a hell lot like each other. He just won't date her because she is "fat." Charming, right?
I don't like the fact he will see her when I am not around. I get paranoid and negative thoughts. I cannot take him away from her because that's bang out of order. I am not controlling.
When I see her and him online on Facebook, and his not talking to me I think "I bet his talking to her.." Grr.

Okay, here are some positives. Don't want to bore you lot with my depressive state now do I? smiles

On my route home. Got some sweet ass Chinese take away for dinner tonight! Are you "jell" ? If not.. YOU SHOULD BE! chuckles

My man is officially amazing with the good things he does. Sometimes his a pain in the ass but we all can be! He makes my heart warm when she does wrap his arms around my body when we lay in bed.. When our skin touch.. When he makes me laugh..
When we argue, I can never stay angry. It's annoying. I feel so guilty after I have "bit his head off." Sometimes we get aggressive and play fight but I end up hurting him by accident. That makes my heart ache. I don't want to be abusive. weeps a tear

I could sing to him if I wasn't so afraid of his opinion. I would express how much I feel for him but I want him to express how he feels to me back.
I know I can never change him.. Like the saying goes "You cannot take a horse to water and make it drink."
He brings me joy, sadness, love, anger and other emotions.

I hope you like this little blog. I am sorry that its about my love life.
If you have any advice to give me, leave a comment!