Life Lessons

I don't know where my childhood's gone
To be carefree again, but the poison started young
Always hated my body.
Used to be annoying.
Lost my friends.
Gained them again.
Some people hated me,
Hurt my feelings,
And this is all up to my early teens.
Self conciousness of my behaviors gained back my friends
Some; those that were true.
But the permanence of this new conciousness left effects that were permanent too.
Now, I can't be real.
I can't be me.
Who am I supposed to be?
Looking for clues
Trying to be true.
Taking off the mask I built up over the years,
Finding scars that run long,
How am I supposed to turn the time back
And remove them until they are gone?
That maturing did change me for the better; that I'll not deny,
But the scars it brought with it are a burden, and a price.
I'll have to work past them though they'll always remain,
To fade them and keep living as me again.
A long hard journey, it may take years to complete
To work past irrational fears that I meet
To not be afraid that my friends don't like me,
To not make up fears in my head of those around me,
To be less self-concious, something I was once in need of,
To find that perfect balance to live the life I have dreamed of,
It seems an empty endeavor at the least,
Hopelessness and frustration feeds the beast
God, please teach me and bring me to when
I'll be able to make my heart whole again.