My Right Hand

-Warning 16 Plus-

I like my right hand.
In fact I love my right hand!
It's always there for me,
when I need it.
My right hand is always in the mood and always ready,
And I don't even have to take my right hand out to a fancy restaurant.
All I have to do is go to the sink and wash my hands.
What’s more, my right hand doesn't care if I'm unfaithful
And I can't get HIV from my right hand
Nor will my right hand ever get pregnant
I don't even have to wear a condom!
She's always there for me – my right hand – when I need her,
I love my right hand!
But I don't like to share the love of my life with other men,
And for that reason I often decline to shake hands.
What would I do without my right hand?
Do I really need marriage, mortgage payments, and a messy divorce?
Things are so much simpler with my right hand,
I love you right hand!