We're not like most couples. We hardly see each other, we hardly date (maybe once a year outside of campus!) We only meet up in the world of virtual reality due to our distance and currnt long semester break. Yes, I realized a long time ago that this is going to be hard.
Even as I'm writing this I feel so alone like I have no one to talk to. All my friends are busy with their own lives. Mine is like at a standstill waiting, almost anticipating, for something great and exciting to happen. Like maybe a day out with friends. Or a movie by myself. But even those seem like a distant dream unreachable. I come from a very strict family that disciplines the kids to just stay at home and do their homework. You can say we're the typical Asians yet we're not Chinese so that's a shocker.
All my life I've spent my life alone, playing by myself, since my only brother didn't want his little sister to follow him around all day and we weren't particularly close with any of our relatives. Anyway when I got into a relationship with the guy I fell in love, I thought I'd finally learn to find company and get rid of my loneliness.
But I was wrong.
Loneliness is set within you. It's not associated with how many people you surround yourself with but how you handle your own self. It took me a while to realise the problem was inside me, instead of around me.
Maybe some of those reading this know exactly what i'm going through, the others have a vague idea. All I can say is it sucks when you feel like you have to depend on yourself all the freaking time.
It does get better at times because I've been in worse state than right now where I would find myself clinging to my boyfriend or friends for support. (this is the part where I try to be optimistic) I've found that writing is more powerful because you tell yourself your problems. And realise that you can be the solution to it all. I'll always be lonely maybe until the day I get married, yet I've seen couples who fall out of love, but for now I'm trying to get trough each day with as much strength as I could master. And sometimes it helps to talk to my boyfriend about this but at times all we need is some alone time to just write and be at peace with our thoughts.
Life is about balance I discovered. You need to have the bad days, like the one I'm having today, to appreciate the good days to come ahead :)
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