I'm sure something has broken his foundation. I could tell by looking at him even on a screen. The magic of apple mac. But I could tell and I could see it in his eyes. Something is very wrong. I am not my usual self and I cannot pick up the pieces. I told him I am writing this and said if he wants to see my blog then he can. Maybe that will help him understand the depths of my sadness. I love him with all my heart but is it fair to put him through all of this? He thinks he is a shit boyfriend. He isn't. He just needs to remember why he loves me and recapture the love we had at the start. 8 months long distance has taken its toll. The happy fascias have rotted. I have this burning pain in my head all the time. Like something bad will happen any moment. I can't shake it. I feel so lost sometimes. I jump at my own shadow. My eyes keep tricking me. I hope he is safe. I won't settle until he is in my arms and we can lay next to each other enjoying our heat and our passion. I keep shaking and tremoring. I feel sick and even have to hold it back. These are just side effects but so far I have not felt any of the beneficial effects.
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