In A Rut

This is my passion, all of my emotions into this one single piece with nothing but a bitter distaste for my life right now. I can't do the simplest of tasks right, whether it be washing up or cooking dinner. My eyes are filled with tears most nights that you lay on the sofa, asleep, and undisturbed. I insist that I'm fine, that there's nothing wrong, but only to avoid the endless, inevitable confrontations and the huge amount of guilt that I incur whenever one of these arguments or 'heated discussions' is underway. What's the point? Wouldn't it be better now to end this shoddy excuse of a relationship before our child endures any hardship? Surely growing up with the idea of separated parents is a lot more desirable than being young and blaming himself. I don't want him to suffer, albeit neither do I, but who us the time to be selfish now. Yet at only ten months, what would I say to him when he asks, 'Daddy, why don't you live with Mummy?'. How am I expected to reply? If its with nothing but honesty, my pride and joy would shun me and I'll never see him again. So the only alternative is to lie, and what example is that setting? 'Mummy and Daddy did love together son, but we decided it was better living separately'.

But my love for his mother remains the same from the day I saw her to this very moment in time. Although the circumstances have changed dramatically, and unfortunate events have occurred, what am I expected to do when there stands the woman, beautiful and fascinating in her own right, with whom I endured a painful 9 months of terror, excitement and overwhelming worry with? Tell her we should no longer be together, and throw the past few years away? I can't decide and I'm stuck in a hole that I've dug.