I Am Defeated.

We never really said anything important. I think it was already there, hanging in the silence. Or maybe we were just afraid of the answers. Maybe we were afraid that if we said what was really on our minds, everyone would leave. So, we never said anything worth remembering. We lied. And we continued to lie until we were so caught up in it, until it was easier than breathing. We fooled ourselves. And, that was the worst. It takes a lot to fool yourself. We lost every ounce of innocence we had. It slipped through our fingers. We would do anything to feel okay again, to feel happy, secure. To be perfect, what we strive for. It's a false image, perfection. All I know is, I'm tired. Tired of fighting and lying and the games. I'm tired of trying to reach perfection. I am tired. And, were does that get me? Being too tired? Not sleeping for a week?Dead, in a grave. Down in the earth where the bugs lie. Bury me there where the bugs lie. You will. Why would we do that to the people we love? Bury them where it's cold, where the bugs crawl. Where they're all alone. All I remember is the time before. Before everything came crashing down. Before it got dark. I remember the happy times. But, they're fading. They're replaced by the things I don't want to remember. The dark. My head will be overloaded. And, I won't have it anymore. The happiness. I can't remember the last time I didn't say I was sorry. It just feels appropriate. I apologize because I am here, because I am alive. We'll move on tomorrow. When the feelings aren't as raw or fresh. When the storm is over. We'll move on, and try to be okay. We'll move on. We'll try to smile, to be happy. We'll try and have hope. Because we wouldn't have anything else. And we need something solid. We need something solid, something we can rely on. We need something to grasp so we don't fade into the darkness. We need strength. But, we can't get it. I'm fading. I'm turning into the dust. I'm not strong enough. I've lost the hope, the happiness. It is gone and so am I. I do not recognize myself in the mirror. I have lost myself. I will let the darkness consume me. Because, we never say anything important. We stay in the silence, quiet. And, it is too overpowering. I will disappear. I will not go out with a bang, I will go out with a whimper. A whimper. A soft whimper.