Sick

I'm sick of being scared of being sick.
The constant worry of an anxious mind,
'Is it just a cold or is it something worse?'
'Is it just that I ate too much or is it that it was dodgy?

I'm scared of being in class, in assembly
Not in control.
I'm scared of all the people that would crowed round
Like they already had.

I was feeling sick one day last spring,
But I thought it was just cramps.
Then I started to shiver and sweat
And I almost blacked out.

Everyone was panicking,
Trying to get me to respond.
All I wanted was some space,
Not to be suffocated

It happened to me again in the summer.
This time I was alone.
I knew how to cope with it;
Just lay down, let it pass

It was scary,
Only my brother was there to help,
And he didn't know what to do.
I was on my own.

I've been in both situations,
With and without help,
And I still can't decide
Which is better.

But when there's no one there,
You feel helpless,
Abandoned,
You have to fend for yourself.

Nothing I am not familiar with.