nineteen days since the last time I smoked pot

try and remember
remember the days before
before life was this way
back when it was okay
but now Mary's here
taken up your life
without permission to stay
she's not going anywhere
and I don't remember before her
she's always in my lungs
taking away my air
always in my lungs
keeping me there
stuck
no way to move
no reason to either
eyes itchy red
eager just to see her
to inhale her
to sit back
and soak it in
soak the sin
into my skin
Mary whispers to me
telling me it's okay
there's no more stress now
just stick with me
there will be no pain
just stick with me
addicted to Mary Jane
supposedly impossible
but I seem to have made up in my mind
that life without her is implausible
I can't leave her behind
but it's been 19 days
and my heart is still thumping
I've made it without her
even though my reality is crushing
I don't want to let go of her
I want her as mine
to be a little secret
keep me high
keep me fine
I don't like being separated from her
even though she's forbidden
sketchy deals
passing bills over for her
nothing's the same as it was
and it's all for her
I don't remember a day before her
I don't remember before her
I try to remember before life was a slam
before I got on my hands and knees for a few grams
before I was lost
when I had a plan
I don't remember back then
and don't know if I can