I'm back on this road aren't it? I haven't smoked pot since the end of January. I can do this and have been. I've smoke cigarettes and swishers and gotten drunk twice. that's it. I've been doing good. but I want to do synthetic with my friends. why not? it's bad for me. so are cigs, so is cutting yourself, so is hating yourself. but it's part of me. I'm self destructive. I can't help it. I'm tearing up right now. I don't know why. I hate my brain. I'm numb. I just left my favorite camp for the last time. I should be upset. the last time at my favorite place in the world. I feel heartless. I'm not crying. damn you Prozac. I hate you but you keep me level. too level. you keep me numb. neutral. indifferent. just there. I almost want all the depression to have the tiny happiness I had from time to time. all my emotions are synthetic. just like the synthetic pot I'll smoke tomorrow to get a fake feeling.
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@muhkickass
16. quirky. trying to stay positive.
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Comments & Feedback (2)
Of course, this is you.. If not smoking pot means your bored and lifeless, than what the fuck? What's so bad about flying high once in a while? Being a teenager has to sides: the aide that's about being lazy, and the side that's about being crazy and drinking and smoking and so on.. I mean, you may want to keep it balanced enough so that the crazy side (we'll call it) takes over. I've seen what happens then, first hand in my brother.. Just alway make sure it's not the most important thing in your life to get loaded. As for cuts, it's emotion, and it's no one else's fault, but unless you've done it yourself you can't tell others what to do, so coming fom me, just don't get hurt too bad, please? I know the feeling, of cutting, it's wonderful but it makes you hate yourself more at the same time... Now I apologize for having no advice about numbness, I have the opposite problem, I feel too much of myself and everything else.. Anyway what I'm trying to get at, in a very extend way is: Your a teenager, fuck shit up.
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