where I am

this is where I am now
I've made it here
through personality
through dress
through fucking the world
through letting it go
to being the best
hottest guy in school came by me and said
hey cool kid
and smiled
then he walked away
as I tried my hardest to let out a hi
and then I stumbled back to class
not high
not drunk
completely fine
in the sense of the word
other than mentally
I don't know why I get sad
and it used to not bug me
but now it's driven me mad
and I just want to scream and cry
and let people know
how mad
and how sad
and how bad
it really is
this is where I am now
and I can start to come down
crawl back down
get down to a level
level headed surface
level headed self
there's no other reason
other than to help
myself