Weary

I'm tired in my mind
And weary in my soul
Trudging through every day
Trying to reach my goals

My aching limbs are hurting
Cutting right to the bone
I'm struggling to raise my arms
In this I am alone

Every night I lie here
My deepest thoughts are haunting
Despite my very best efforts
The prospect of sleep is daunting

Sleep is somewhat elusive
But I wonder what awaits
In my destructive dreams
This tiredness frustrates

My lids are trying to close
My eyes are starting to droop
All I need is some respite
To allow my ideas to regroup

I'm curled up in my armchair
Warding off the fears
Light is piercing my sight
Watering with tears

The tv is blaring for comfort
To give me company
So I'm not left in solitude
To face my dreams, lonely

It's not just the insomnia
It's the draining effort I need
To keep up with the busy times
And stressful life I lead

It may not seem like much to you
But it's hard to be this age
Stuck between two other worlds
On different sides of the page

Not quite able to be an adult
But no longer a true young teen
I'm trapped eternally in limbo
Nursing my disquiet with caffeine

I strive to complete each challenge
But my heart is no longer in it
I'm attempting to achieve ambitions
I'm worried, I'll admit

I probably shouldn't be saying all this
But it just comes flooding out
I can't use my voice to complain
But in writing I can shout

I bottle up my feelings
And it is killing me calmly
So I do what I can to express myself
And I fight with my own army

An army of ifs and buts
An army of quotes and quips
An army of the written word
At my fingertips

I can use my skills with ink
To weave a protective shield
To try to offload all my struggles
The pencil is the weapon I wield

I sorry to rain on your parades
You don't want to know my pains
I try to never show weakness
I know this may seem vain

I am a troubled soul
I'm worried about how I appear
I like to show I'm stronger
That I don't give in to fear

But some days it's just too much
Inside I've built a wall
On days like these it starts to crumble
I wonder when it will fall

I shake inside with the thought
That someone somewhere will see
My exposed heart left on my sleeve
And take advantage of me

I'm in pain and I think I show it
I'm more weary than I thought
It's not like me to let it all out
To reveals the battles being fought

I may be waging a war inside
But I can fight with words
I'll find my second wind
I'm going with the birds

I'm a sparrow, or at least I was
I've forgotten how to fly
But I'm damned if I'm giving in
So I may as well try!

I.Sparrow