How To Ruin A Guys Ego

@AEngland

Blow Banana.

Never make eye contact whilst eating a banana. Throws out completely the wrong vibe..

@AEngland

Unfortunate.

Accidentally missed out the "R" whilst googling "Gary Oldman" today, worst experience of my life..

@Icuminpeace

Fake It

A woman can fake an orgasm to get a marriage, A man can fake a marriage to get an orgasm -unknown.

@AWriterGirl

Couldn't Help Laughing

...I have 69 followers, high five if you understand the reference.

@banishthem

Things People Will Never Say

Wow. I'm really glad we had that political debate on Facebook. Everything went really well and a major issue was finally resolved..

@albisher

Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur. Answer: Mega-sore-ass..

@Andy_Hayhurst

This Is Crazy

Last night I said to a girl, "Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number so call me maybe?". To which she replied "Twat!"..

@Supertecnoboff

Men Vs Women

Statistics say women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms for the relationship. Men say, "Big fucking deal, try faking a relationship just for the shag!".