Old Saint Nic was a grumpy old git
He was constipated and couldn't handle it
Mrs Nic got bored of his pleas and cries
As Old Saint Nic nearly burst a blood vessel in his eyes
It was Chrismas Eve and he was in a rush
The elves and reindeers waited long enough
He was on the toilet but had no luck
Poor Old Saint Nic couldn't produce any stuff
He pushed and he pushed but nothing came out
"bloody hell" and "for crying out loud"
He would moan and groan on the toilet he'd shout
"I can't get this bloody big crap out"
Mrs Nic had had a marvellous plan
For she knew how to help her man
She had laced his grub with some laxatives
And Old Saint Nic was happy now to shit and shit
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