Ron Swanson

@Dreg_Mogul

Success

If at first you don't succeed, return to bed with a packet of hobnobs. Subsequently, endeavour to consume the entire packet of aforementioned hobnobs with a singular receptacle of tea.

@soulofaman

Gym

I have a gym in my house. The thing is, though, I’m only trying to live longer so I can eat more cheese and drink more wine. ~Ricky Gervais.

@ktwblack

So True ^_^

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. ~Kevin James.

@hallofrumors

Bar Sign

Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.".

@hallofrumors

On Hold

I used to love this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone, later I found out that she was keeping me on hold..

@InvaderAze

Thanks For The Compliment

You called me a bitch. A bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are part of nature. Nature is beautiful. Thanks for the compliment. ;) -Unknown.

@weazul

Sanity is relative, but not my relative. - me.

@christyxcore

Lemons

Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back. Get mad. I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these.